Posted by Margi (207.228.121.25) on May 12, 2000 at 13:28:27:
In Reply to: Margi...I hate my life, it's all falling apart....... posted by Tracy on May 12, 2000 at 12:45:03:
Crying is a great release - it washes out your soul. Cry, kick, scream, punch pillows, but do it in a room away from your daughter. Put her down for a nap, schedule it. Then, when you're done and you've cried more tears than you think you ever could, go back to your daughter's room and look at that little sleeping face and tell me you could ever commit suicide. Who would be that little angel's mummy then? Would hubby be able to live without you? These people need you, your mum needs you, WE need you (hell, we even need TROUBLE - we need someone to kick in the ass now and then!!) Yes, these people bug the hell out of you when you think you can't take anymore. But hey, girl - that's normal. That means you're alive!! Push comes to shove, these people that drive you totally nuts would be the first there to defend you. Look at the big pic, not the day to day crapola. Pull back and savour the special moments. The smell of your baby after a bath. The warmth of being in your hubby's arms after a long day. Those are moments sent to us to remember the beauty of life. Cherish them.
Yes, it sucks to be you right now, but we've all been there, girl. Life goes on, the sun will come up tomorrow and you COULD be the gal to discover the cure for clusters - you never know!! Don't you DARE fall down this hill you've been climbing. Whether you realize it or not - you HAVE come a long way. You found us, didn't you?
If you are seriously considering suicide, Tracy, get your daughter to a babysitter fast and then get yourself to the emergency ward! Call them first and they will help you get there!! Do NOT mess with this or let your pride get in the way here.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to kick your butt here, or maybe I do. I guess what I'm really trying to say is, you are loved, you are special and no one wants you to leave.
Start a journal!! You're a talented writer and it's an awesome outlet and therapy. Post it here on the board if you want or just keep it in a file on your computer.
We are here, kiddo - 24/7.
Hugs
Margi