Posted by LadyStahr (205.188.198.186) on July 22, 1999 at 22:34:10:
I've been reading through the various messages on this board, trying to make sense of the posts.
You see, my husband is a cluster headache sufferer - but his first round with them ended our marriage, because they were diagnosed properly but not medicated properly. The doctor he saw medicated him with Vicodin - and nothing else. Of course this led to addiction and rehab with Methadone. Add into that the fact that he had undiagnosed sleep apnea and voila - instant divorce, due to the psychological instability these things caused.
He's been in remission for about 4 years but last week the cycle started again. We have no idea what started it, as he's been on several different medications the last few months. The sleep apnea is under control with a breathing machine - but we are now fighting high blood pressure and diabetes (diet and pill controlled), as well as heel spurs for which he was prescribed methylprednisolone and celebrex. The headaches started right after the methylprednilosone dosing was over.
He is now on Covera HS and Maxalt, as well as starting a round of prednisone. Add to that Zestril (ACE inhibitor for high blood pressure), Ziac (beta blocker with a diuretic), and Amaril for the diabetes.
Why am I upset and angry? I'm angry for two reasons - 1, that I can't do a thing to help him, and 2, that he lashes out at me and our 7 year old daughter. I know in my head that he can't help it, but I can't help my heart's reaction. I'm upset because it hurts him so - I know it does - but I tend to be extremely unsympathetic. I'm selfish and I can't stop!
One of his triggers seems to be heat. Well, that's really good, because we're going through a major heat wave just like the rest of the country. And what does he do for a living? He's a machine repairman and programmer - in a machine shop - and is it air conditioned? Right. In a pig's eye.
So, he's missed three days of work this week - no relief in sight - and no paid sick leave where he works. How are we going to pay the bills? I wonder every time he calls in sick to work. Yet if he stays home and in the air conditioning, he's in prime shape and not as many clusters. He does still get them at home in the A/C, though. Less severity, less duration.
He had the worst cluster I've ever seen him have tonight, and all because he didn't take his medication with him when we went to take our daughter to the fair. I ask, are we going to have to live with not ever getting to go anywhere as a family again? This was the second time this week that we'd attempted to take her to the fair. Both times we left after about 45 minutes.
Supporters - if you've had feelings like this, please let me know what you did to combat them. I hurt for him, I do, but I cannot stop the other feelings!
LadyStahr