Posted by Carl D (208.4.16.209) on June 30, 1999 at 09:21:14:
Well, I give up. I am frustrated out of my tortured freakin mind. I defend only to be attacked furthermore. And in my defense and in the defense of others, I am wrong. I cant win. Apparently I was wrong for standing up against assholes. I cant stand it anymore. I give up. It's not worth it to fight the pain, deal with ignorance amongst family, friends and enema's alike, and have no refuge, no place to run or hide, no relief, no rest, no peace. I'm not so sure God is even interested anymore ( He is probably fed up with my sorry ass like everyone else). I am nothing but a thorn in other's flesh. I am truly Less Than Earth. Everyday I weigh my life on a scale. Today, the balance has been broken and so have I. I think I have had a nervous breakdown in the last couple of hours, as I cant stop crying, so pardon me while I "waller in self pity" and "poor old me" . I have spoken my peace with a sword in my head. Doesn't seem worth it anymore. Not my music, not my writings. It all is pointless. Everything about this whole miserable existence sucks. I cant hang anymore. All I am is trouble. All I want is a release from the torture chamber of this body. I didnt ask for this. I'm over. CD