Posted by JOhn Davis on March 19, 1999 at 09:31:44:
Hi,
I am really happy to find this message board, i felt so alone about having these horrific headaches for so long. I am 29 and have had cluster headaches since I was a teenager. Hell on earth, definitely. But why? I always suspected it was emotionally or psychologically related, I noticed that as well as suffering from the headaches I suffered from muscle tension in my chest and shoulders and this tension would seem to actually creep up to my head somewhere in the nasal area.
Well, 5 years ago I went to see a therapist who was also a Zen master. I began to practice meditation and he suggested I actually explore the pain instead of attempt to escape it. I did, when I got a headache I would sit quietly and explore the pain, where the pain was, and where it was coming from. Instead of trying to escape the pain of the cluster I just observed it. I won't lie, it was hard to do...I wanted to run and to hide from it, it just sucked so bad. A few times I was simply sitting and observing hellish pain. But after a while it began to dissipate. The headaches stopped and if a cluster would hint at returning I would simply observe it and where it was coming from. I continued to practice Zen meditation and after a year the tension in my chest went away.
Right now, 5 years no headaches until a few days ago, why? I believe that the tension that causes the cluster headaches is actually emotional pain, pain that I am not very good at dealing with and try to stuff every chance I get. For one thing, I stopped meditating two years ago and began to drink in the evenings about six months ago. For the last six months I was trying to stuff my painful feelings by drinking. Keep in mind, I am not suggesting that the emotions causes the actual pain of my headaches, I believe the emotions are legitimate healthy feelings, I am suggesting that my attempt to stuff the emotions is causing the physical tension that lead to my headaches.
Well, I have stopped drinking, easy to do when it triggers a cluster, and I have began to meditate again. I find that if I do get the pain, if I enter a state of meditation and simply observe what it is doing, the tension and the headache dissipates. Also, it is hard to describe but the pain is not so bad when I am just being with it. The pain is bad but not nearly as bad as 5 years ago when I would tosss and turn and yell trying to escape it.
I just hope that this information helps someone else. Feel free to email me with any questions, I understand the hellish pain these headaches cause and would love to be able to help someone else who suffers from it.
John S. Davis
davisj@orlando.veridian.com