Posted by Ken Hubner (199.224.105.106) on June 22, 2000 at 08:32:18:
In Reply to: I'm not sure what to do here.......but I think goodbye.................... posted by Tracy on June 22, 2000 at 03:38:34:
Tracy,
I wish your first, or even second reaction to all this had not been to leave the message board. If one doesn't care for, or agree with the general tenor of your messages, then one can just skip right on over them. Now THAT is simple advice, and it certainly applies to me as much as to anyone.
In my own way, I feel somewhat protective of Carl. He has been here for along time, and after all, CH.com is in part a place to come to vent (or whine or complain) -- choose your own words, depending on your feelings about venting.
Isn't it possible that Carl might, in fact, be in a worse situation than many us. I don't absolutely know that for a fact, but isn't it possible? Perhaps he has no "Trev" to turn to. Perhaps no medications are working, at all, ever. Perhaps his pain is really intense, and constant. Maybe he is, for whatever reason, less well able to deal with these hideous things than some of the rest of us -- or maybe this message board IS his way of dealing with them. I'm not speaking for Carl; I wouldn't presume to, but I'm just thinking about the possibilites.
I was taught, wrongly, very early in life that it's "bad to complain," but very often Carl has given voice here to my own sense of futility and anger and depression and desperation, and I feel some gratitude to him for that.
I guess all I'm trying to say, Tracy, is that we all react differently to our extreme state, and that some "states" are more extreme than others, and there are times and situations where "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" just won't cut it.
In any case, please don't leave the board. This place is a a great democracy. I'm glad you're here, I'm glad Carl is here and I'm glad I'm still here ,thanks in no small part to Elaine and Dave (drummer) who, I think it's safe to say, saved my life through the facilities of this very site.
Finally, I'm truly sorry if I offended you. Your message pushed just about all of my buttons, but I really should have let it go, and I ask you to accept my apology, turn the other cheek -- whatever.
Ken