Posted by NickD (209.83.95.93) on March 16, 2000 at 07:37:16:
I was told that surviving my accident was a miracle, I don't recall any angel carrying me as I have read many other victims claimed, as a matter of fact was riding on the road, saw the car pull out in front of me, painted an image of a gray car bumper contacting my front wheel, then total blackness, no light at the end of the tunnel, wome up strapped on a table in ER, was dazed, but reality struck and struck hard, I was hit and in incredible pain.
Before learning about triggers, I repeated this phrase thousands of times, over and over again all night long.
"Dear Heavenly Father, in the name of your most Holy Son, Jesus Christ, please take away the pain" during a double cluster. Stood up on a hill all night saying this over and over again, but the pain would not go, just an absolute terrible pain, morning would come, the sun would rise, the winds would kick up as it always does, praying or not, then around 10:00 AM the CH would start to ease up, was on that hill, alone in the dark for 12 hours repeating this prayer, I think this put a damper on my faith, later would get in the car and leave the area and break the headache in 20 minutes, even later getting O2 could break this headache in less than 20 minutes, so is it faith or learning the science of what works?
I talked to my pastor on this, he suggested I pray to find a good doctor rather than pray for a cure, now practically, this did not mean going out to the dessert and praying, but asking my many neighbors, the dotor I found, first canned the many medications that I was taking and I had to go out through a dry out period and he prescribed the O2, not a cure, but quicker relief, in history, millions suffered painful deaths that would cured simply by keeping human sewage out of drinking water, so is this help from God or science? Watched a Christopher Reeves interview, with his fame, he is pushing research into the central nervous system, he says, we know nothing about it, he is glad he was born now, because now there is hope, where a few years ago, no hope at all. During the US Civil war the only cure for a wound was amputation, stories of rotting limbs stacked mountains high loom in history books, least science has helped war victims, but still has a long way to go, my brother, a chief surgeon at a VA hospital, well, there are still thousands of Viet Nam soldiers locked away from the public eye that endured years upon years of suffering, and what did this young boys do to deserve this?
Is there a God, is there an afterlife? Is all of this suffering for a reason? Is life where the strong take advantage of the weak? No other nation throughout history has suffered as much as the Jews, until recently, the Jews could never fight back, but our entire Christian heritage comes from the Jewish writings, many don't like to admit it, but Jesus was a Jew, is the bible just writings to give false hope to a depressed people? Are we put here to suffer for an everlasting reward in heaven? Or are we just suffering for no particular reason, we die, and that's the end of it. Ironically these scriptures were written at a time when drinking wine from lead containers was predominate, we know today that this combination generates both brillance and maddness, so are we following maddness? We go out an night and see a huge universe, where did this come from, why are we here, why do we even ask? Why did our ancestors sacrifice, thousands of religions followed this gross practice, a very selfish act, kill a person or an animal so that life would be better for the survivers, do we have a God that demands this? Even his only Son?
We are no longer the center of the universe, unfortunately off to one remote corner of our own galaxy, what are we anyway? I have never seen a ghost, spirit, or an angel, never heard a voice, with billions before us, shouldn't there be something between us and the past?
My cries for help with CH's were ignored, I was first treated as being insane by the doctors that I met, same after my accident until a claim was at stake, then I got plenty of attention, the rats crawling out of the woodwork, by legal and other means, they managed to get every cent of my claim leaving me pennyless, cries for surgery to correct some damages are ignored, even to the point where hey that Green Bay Packer got that surgery, why not me, well you are not making $100,000.00 a game was the reply, this whole incident has left me bitter, I didn't break the law, I don't think I have sinned, I know that Job had a rough go, but Job doesn't explain anything, young 18 year olds drafted into service that were mamed or killed didn't ask for that either, but were sacrificed so that the rich could be safe and secure, we are no different than the animals preying on the weak, but then there is a heavenly award, or is there?