Posted by Paula (64.12.105.174) on January 16, 2001 at 01:02:06:
As many of you know my husband Jack had his aortic valve relaced. He has bad lungs and they have been having trouble stablizing him. Then he got extreemly confused. I thank you all for the reasurrance and help you have given me in trying to cope. Last Thursday they sent him to a rehabilitation center for a few weeks to try tto recover so I could handle him at home. I told every nurse and the doctors and Jacks sson that he was relly really confused. Seeing things. And putting things all out of context. I provided the transportation to the home (It was accually a nusing home, But it was only for a short stay) I had told his son he would freek, he said he would talk to him. Everything seemed fine. He was ok when we got there and we stayed a few hours and I went home to get the kids and bring them back to see him. When we got in the parkinglot, he was outside almost running (he is so weak he can hardly stand) and he screamed at the kids to get in the car and for me to take him away because they were trying to kill him. He didn't have his O2 on and he was real looney (for lack of a better word). I promised he could go back to the hospital where he was and he said ok. Then he would scream for the kids. I told him he'd have to ride in an aid car. He diddn't want to so I got his older son on the cell phone and we both talked him into it and going back to the hospital. Is it meds? Lack of sleep? there is something on his cat scan of his brain but they don't think thats it. But today he had an MRI. He iss getting his mental facets back. No more seeing things and he makes sence when he talks. Chad is scared to death to have him come home which might be as early as tommarrow. I aam scared to guys. He is sso weak. I know I can handle taking care of him. I took care of a invaid sister for a long time. But it's not my Jack coming home yet. I'm scared it never will be. Will I love this Jack? Can I be Mother,Nurse and Wife and not loose it myself? Physical care is easy. It's the emotional care, when I'm not sure what the hell my own emotions are doing, That scares me. I don't even know who to talk to about it. All I know is he was there for me and I want to be for him. I want to do it right without loosing myself. Is this selfish? Why do I feel so funny about these feelings like they are wrong. God help me figure out what is going on in my head!! Thanks again for listening to me. Love you guys Paula