Posted by Jackie on February 03, 1999 at 12:43:56:
In Reply to: An Apology posted by Anonymous on February 03, 1999 at 10:05:58:
Dear Anonymous:
(By the way, I'm Jackie, as opposed to Jackie M.)
No apology required--none at all. I simply took
your posting as intellectual query, representing
a school of thought subscribed to by some. My
response was to that school of thought, and not to
you per se.
I can totally relate to your post. Last night, I
started feeling "that feeling" in my head as I was
going to bed. I thought for sure that that would
mean a horrible night. My husband is out of town,
so I had no emotional support. I became extremely
anxious and couldn't get to sleep. Then more
anxious because I had to go to work the next
day.. I thought
the blackest of thoughts. Why go on? What kind of
life can I have? This, even though I've been able
to control any real bad pain with meds. It was
just the thought of being up half the night, sucking
oxygen, with an array of 5 different pain killers
laid out before me. A real medical smorgasboard
(sp?). The supreme irony is that I finally fell
asleep... and had no headaches. So here I am at
work the next day, writing this. But I feel I've
just been granted a stay of execution.
Let's see if we can help you here. I strongly feel
you need the following people in your corner:
a good therapist, for some emotional support. This
is not because there's anything "wrong" with you.
It's simply that you, and all of us, are carrying
an extraordinary load. It's hard to carry such
a load without a very sympathetic ear. A
good friend can add to the support. And a VERY good
neurologist who is an expert in dealing with
cluster headaches. Let us know how long you've
had these monsters and the drugs, and dosages,
you've been taking.
Best of luck. I think it's totally normal to feel
suicidal in this situation. But please don't act
on it.
Take care,
Jackie