Posted by David Mc (195.171.241.59) on August 26, 1999 at 08:25:58:
In Reply to: Back again!!!!! posted by Steve on August 26, 1999 at 05:50:46:
Steve, my heart goes out to you. I remember when I had to work a damanding job and was getting these CHs every day. This was in the days long before sumatriptan and it's derivatives. I got so exhausted that I had to crawl to go up any stairs. And any life beyond that needed for survival disapeared. I still, twenty years later get CH every day, I couldn't change the CH so I looked at what I could change. I figured that how I felt about anything depended on how I thought about it, thoughts precursoring feelings (that was the theory any way) So I started to play these mind games when the CH took hold. I imagined myself in a queue waiting for my turn to get the CH turned off. I reminded myself that the longest queue I'd ever been in came to an end and so would this one. And they always have. Albeit until the next time. But I don't think that far ahead. I live for now. If I'm free from Ch for a while I don't spoil it thinking of the next CH. If I have a bad CH I don't think of the last or the next one. I break each bit of my life down into managable bits of the present. I read years ago of this guy in solitary confinement who learnt to think only of the second he was living in, not the previous or the next, just the present. That way there was no accumulation of time and suffering, and no future pain. I figured that I was alone inside of the pain and for me this mind trick helps me get through it. Another trick I learned from martial arts; If you want to break through say a chunk of wood plank you focus on the other side of it. I shift my focus not on the pain but on the other side of it. Okay this sounds as if it contradicts my saying I live in the present, but it is a worthy exception. Lastly is my sheer bloody mindedness. Years ago I was feeling like you, I had thoughts of death. But I would not let this thing get the better of me. Get mad and fight and curse and be determined to beat the crap outta this thing! We're human beings, we can do anything we think we can do!
Lots of warm feelings and good thoughts to you, Steve.
David Mc