Posted by drummer (209.105.134.181) on July 30, 1999 at 03:44:25:
In Reply to: Supporter needs support posted by Deb on July 30, 1999 at 01:28:22:
Hi Deb,
My name is Dave. My wife’s name is Laurie. I just got over a 45 minute Cluster Attack. It is 3:00am and due to the Demon in my head; my day has begun. I didn’t plan on my day to begin until 6:00am. I come to the message board after an attack now so I don’t feel so alone. I’ve had these damn things for 15 years. My “cycle” has yet to end.
Until recently I had no idea what it was like to be a supporter of a Cluster Headache sufferer. I don’t like being a supporter. What you wrote in your post is EXACTLY what I have heard my wife say to me many, many times. I believe your feelings are perfectly normal. You are in NO WAY being selfish. Laurie has said to me many times this, “I am so sick of Clusters; what about me”? She is right. The time that each attack takes away from my life and the after effects of each attack and my addiction to clusterheadaches.com has made it very difficult on my wife and our two daughters. I’ll be very tired today. I have a lot to do at work today. I need to do my laundry and mow the lawn after work today. I need to spend time with Laurie and my kids tonight. My daughter Megan is sick and all I do is lay with her on the couch. My wife runs my daughter to the doctor and goes to the store for ginger ale and Motrin. I am the one that is selfish and worthless.
My friend Elaine has Cluster Headaches. Her daughter Heather has been her supporter for 17 years. Elaine’s “cycle” has also never ended. Elaine drove 800 miles with Heather to visit me last weekend. During our visit Elaine had several Cluster attacks. So did I. One time we were all sitting and talking and Elaine got “hit” with an attack. I ran and got my Oxygen and gave Elaine a shot of Imitrex. Elaine stayed in the other room while I came back and sat with Heather and Laurie. Bob Kipple and his wife Judy were there also. Bob has Cluster Headaches just like me and Elaine. Anyway, I sat at the table. Everyone was silent. Thoughts of the pain Elaine was enduring and the frustration I had of being helpless was awful. I looked at Laurie and Heather and told them I did not like being a supporter. Heather looked at me and said, “try doing it for 17 years”. Again there was silence at the table. As tears appeared in Mr Kipple’s eyes he said, “I want to go out and help Elaine, but I know there is nothing that I can do”. Again there was silence at the table. My wife Laurie said, “I think it would be helpful for Elaine if we all just talked normally while she is in pain instead of her having to listen to silence”. Laurie is much more intelligent then I am.
Like I said earlier, I come to the message board to feel less alone. The reason I am responding to your post is because I don’t want you to feel alone. Cluster Headaches not only effect the life of the sufferer, but also the life of the supporter as well. I hope Laurie never gets Cluster Headaches. I don’t know if I could be as unselfish, understanding and compassionate as she is for me. Bob Kipple called my wife Laurie a “saint and a rock”. I agree with him. I don’t know where I would be with out Laurie. It wasn’t easy finding a woman that would put up with me and my Clusters. Laurie has stayed with me for 8 years and put up with my various “Cluster problems”.
Please feel free to E-mail me or Laurie at davedrum@eznet.net. I really hope you feel less alone. I really hope you know that your feelings are normal. I really hope that you are able to communicate your feelings to Rich. Us sufferers have to be strong and fight the pain of each Cluster attack. You supporters amaze me at how you can stick around for the attack and all the nonsense that follows. You are correct that it is an "emotional, physical and mental toll". I believe you are also a saint and a rock. Take Care.