Posted by Carl D (208.4.16.208) on July 21, 1999 at 08:27:33:
No sleep again last night. four HA's since midnight and angry shadows again this morning. Actually, I fell asleep for about 15 minutes, but then I woke up immediately with it settling into my eye and temple. Putting ice at the base of skull now, massaging same area/neck-skullbase. I'm freakin wore out. I've been up four days straight and I don't think I can handle much more. My fever has gone down again, so it must be the lack of sleep that has had me hallucinating. Feels like I'm trippin on downs or something like that. Everything is slo-mo. Can't even think straight. While the rest of the world is up and running off on thier way to work this morning, I'm staring out the window, wondering where did my freaking life go?
I'm losing strength by the day and you know what? I don't even care anymore. I'm over this. "Its better to burn out than to fade away". I would rather go out with a bang than slowly have my life drained from my body. Never thought my life would turn out like this. I'm a half inch of sanity and can't think of a reason to justify the pain. Tired of being tired. Tired of being depressed all of the time. Tired of the pain. Tired of the misunderstanding. Tired of the fighting. Tired of being a freak. Tired of these shoes...
Carl D