Posted by jen (38.196.89.2) on July 20, 1999 at 15:33:24:
Hi everyone,
As a newcomer to the site I haven't felt comfortable venting in public yet, but having just read Carl D.'s "Sick & Tired CHead" posting, I'm feeling frustrated. Bryan just called; he's home sick again. He made it in to work yesterday, but only til about 1 pm. In a way, he's lucky, b/c he works for his Dad. But his Dad can be so selfish and stubborn! He seems to think that b/c he's the one who's contributed the majority of the funds for his dr. bills and meds, etc., that he turn his compassion on and off at will. Bryan was almost in tears on the phone, feeling so down b/c his pain just won't go away, and he feels like everyone's mad at him. His father's partner (i.e. his other boss) had the gall to say to Bryan once that he had not missed a day of work even while having chemo for cancer. Aaaaaaagh! Why do people always have turn things around so that they center on themselves? BTW, this guy is now going through a divorce; no doubt if he put a few things (ex. his wife and his cancer) ahead of his job this might not be happening. But anyway, I don't care about him, I care about Bryan, and Bryan's in bad shape. If he can't get to work, he can't get on the computer. So even this outlet isn't available to him. He's dead tired having been up for the last 30 hours, but is so afraid to go sleep, as I'm sure you all know. All of you on this site have so many suggestions and ideas, different remedies you've tried that have worked for you. But when he's too wrapped up in pain to even listen to new ideas, what do I do? "You're not mad at me, are you?" he asks. The whole world's mad at him, he thinks. But I'm not. I'm mad as hell at those headaches, though. But anger is such a useless emotion. And then there are the times that I do get angry, like when he lights up another cigarette (to finish that day's pack) or has to go out and get more Coke b/c there's nothing to drink (water, water, water? Yeah right, like that'll work, he says.) He doesn't take care of himself, and I have constantly to remind
myself that I can't do that for him. But when does the line get crossed? Where's the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back? It's like we're both waiting for a crisis to hit, a headache that'll push him so far down that there's nowhere to go but back up. Ok, I'm finished for now. Thanks for listening, everyone!
Jen