Posted by Linda B on May 31, 1999 at 14:43:32:
I`m now not living in the shadow world anymore.
For the last 10 day`s the attack`s have been coming stronger and harder.
On Kip`s scale I have jumped all over it since last night. Started at a 2 going to a 5 back then at a 7 and back at a 5. I`m now at an 8. Sliding down the scale faster than I can type.
This is all very maddning to me. At the sametime make`s me think. Did I start these attack`s by drinking 10 day`s ago? Is it the stress of my life at this time?
Is it time to have a change of med`s? Is it this head cold I picked up 10 day`s ago? That song "Under Pressure." Stand`s out in my mind.
I just dont know. Which you all know drive`s me even nutter. I can handle alot if I know the reson why.
Oooppp`s guess I`m at a 9 on the Kip scale.
I have been drink my water. Starting at a gallon an 1/2 a day. Up to 2 or more gallon`s a day.
I`m still able to at least get 6-8 hour`s of sleep in. Only because I take 12 excedrin pm,40 mg`s of diazapam, 75 mg`s of Elvail and 50 mg`s of Trazodine. I also have another sleeping pill for back up ONLY. I really dont like taking that one. It give`s me nightmare`s. Granted I do sleep well with it and I dont wake in a state of foggyness. But I will wake up with cold sweat`s from the nightmare`s I have. Which is really unusual for me I like horror flick`s. Dreaming them I dont get rerun`s.
Depressed and Mad as hell at all this. Which I have found is a good comanation to have. If your depressed the maddness take`s the edge off of stupid thought like suicide. Which mean`s I dont have the thought s of killing myself. Wont let this demon win that dam easy.
O`My god am I going into stage 10 on the scale?
Thank`s for letting me ramble.
Hope you all stay at the 0 on Kip`s scale. Hope I can get to a 3.
Hug`s to you all Linda B