Posted by Justin (128.206.136.98) on February 01, 2002 at 16:50:19:
In Reply to: I was diagnosed the same posted by Dennis O'C on January 31, 2002 at 00:36:43:
You are very kind to respond in such a way. I hate to judge people negative or badly but just your words show such compassion that I am forced to judge you as a kind and compassionate person. This feeling can have a name of cluster headaches, depression or anxiety, the name doesn't really matter but the discomfort and pain is all that really matters. This feeling is probably as you said "the heebie-jeebies" and I don't judge what is worse or not, but it is unpleasant and beyond my previous thoughts of what suffering can be. I'm at a good point right now, although a little depressed, and I feel I can make it through this. I thought I was a happy person before this, no wait, I was a happy person before this but this problem has made me realize what suffering or agony really is. I guess what caused this was a mix of alcohol and weed, which caused something someone might call a "bad trip" or "tripping". No matter what it is called or what it is does not matter, cause I will get through this and never drink or smoke again. Cluster headaches and anxiety are intertwined, they are the same to me, we are all suffering but someday we will be saved, their can't be an if not, I refused to believe that. I lost faith in God, which wasn't good, I think too much about it. I question why this and why that and forget what I am doing than feel it again. I'm very confused but I choose to believe in God, better complaining to him than others, and maybe if these are demons then that may scare them away. I wrote down my thought process during class at 10:00am, when I was feeling a little better. It went like this:
@ 10:00 The mild headache started
@ 10:30 I remember having the headache but don’t remember when it went away, feel sick, teacher talks but I can't really understand him, I right things down so I can remember
@ 10:35 Headache is back, kind of sharp, like someone is quickly repeatedly stabbing an ice pick into the left side of my head.
@10:40 feel out of place kind of floaty, still having problems concentrating
@10:47 feel like I need to pass out, want to pass out, feel a few jolts of a vertigo type feeling
@10:50-10:55 feel worthless, want to see a doctor
@10:55 complaining to people makes me feel better
Feel a little better
@12:00 I get sweaty palms
@12:05 My head feels like it is in a vice
I stopped taking notes after that
I feel a little out of it, well a lot out of it, but I don't know, time seems to move so slowly, but I will get through this. Oh I just remembered, I have a problems with doctors now, I've been to so many doctors and every time I go to the next one they say I was mis-diagnosed. Is it a conspiracy or are the doctors just useless. I started taking prednisone (60mg) yesterday and felt a little better, and then took ambien to sleep. I've been on paxil for 11 days now, don't know what it is doing, don't really care. I took alprazolam and it made it worse but it seemed to help my aunt and uncle with their "panic attacks". Lorazepam didn't seem to do anything, but I guess I was only on a 1mg tab of it. I've been to five different doctors, two at the ER and two at the medi quick and a physiologist. Each doctor said the other one was wrong and prescribed different drugs. (Like I wasn't messed up already) By my experience, don't go to the ER unless you have to, they don't take you that serious unless they have proof of something and they may think that you are wasting your time, plus being around death really doesn't help much. I'm sleeping a little better now, the seizers have stopped and the shakes have too. I remember my dreams with the help of ambien, and they don't scare me as much. I'm not afraid of sleep anymore and can sleep longer than just an hour or so a night. SLEEP IS VERY GOOD. I just got prescribed a tranquilizer; I'm kind of looking forward to it tonight to see if it helps even more, more than the ambien. Well I have whined enough, but you guys understand.
P.S. Anyone try exorcism of hypnotist? (Desperate men do desperate things)
Thanks for listening, and I have faith in all of you, even if you don't have faith in yourself.
Justin