Posted by Elizabeth (65.31.190.231) on December 13, 2001 at 17:36:14:
So, you're having a rough day, huh? Two, or four, or ten headaches today...they woke you up, stabbing away, right? You're tired, crabby. You're feeling sorry for yourself (c'mon...admit it! geez, I feel that way at least one minute every day!) You're thinking that the pain is unbearable...that it will never end....
Know what? It DOES end! Even at the worst of times, I still had 5 minutes here or there without pain. A KIP-10 comes....BAM! RIP! STAB! BURN! Eventually, after a seeming eternity, it ends. See? It ends...
BarbaraG's sister has breast cancer that has spread to her brain. She's undergoing chemotherapy. Sailpappy is ill. My uncle Frank has newly-diagnosed diabetes, and prostate cancer that has not responded to any treatments. My cousin Eileen (Frank's daughter, 42 y/o) has a massive hole in her heart and liver failure. My dad has a baseball-sized growth on his jaw/neck that has taken less than a week to grow. What do they have in common? They have something that is never-ending, or at least has no end in sight.
My point: all CHers experience excruciating pain... horrible, agonizing pain.... pain that does end, does subside for a while. Remember that it ends....that you do have a respite, no matter how short....that CH will not kill you.
My intent: to be inspirational... to remind all of us that there are actually worse things in life than to have CH, while never diminishing the pain CHers have...
I'm sitting here at my computer, thinking about my family....It's 4pm, I'm on my 6th h/a today...."Why me?" creeps in...Thinking 'this is agony'.... and then realizing that no matter how bad a cluster headache is, no matter how long it lasts or how quickly it climbs the kip scale, there IS an end in sight. Those people I talked about? There's no end in sight...
My sis had another miscarriage.... sitting in the ER with her, a CH slammed into my skull... at that moment, looking at my sis and worrying about my dad, I realized that I actually have it pretty easy! The pain comes, pain I wouldn't wish on anyone...but it goes...
I'll hold my head high! I'll make it through each and every CH...by pacing, rocking, or pounding... After it's over, after the pain has left and until it returns, I will live life to the fullest, as if CH pain was not a part of my life. Will you join me?
Elizabeth