Posted by Elaine (172.128.166.82) on December 07, 2001 at 22:17:31:
I came here April of 1999, I had gotten a computer for the kids. I had never even seen a computer before, knew nothing about one. My daughter showed me how to use it to look stuff up. I remember putting clusters in search and finding this site. I kept reading and clinking. I read the board all day. I found the board and I read. I started reading and I found Drummer..I started following his post. I think because he was a lot like me chronic. Then one night I found the chat room and I talked to Drummer. I remember he got knocked out of chat and I thought I had said something wrong.
I had a vain burst in my head that night. When I got out of the hospital I got a phone call from Drummer. Scared the crap out of me, he gave me his work number his home number and assured me he was safe to talk to. I did not talk to him long. That night I asked my husband if I could talk to this strange man that had clusters. He said yes. Drummer became very special to me he was my punching bag. I could cry cuss and say what ever I wanted when fighting the demon and email him with how I felt about the demon and what was happing to me. Drummer and his wife got me in to see a doctor fast, with their help I did not have to wait weeks. I was able to get the same drugs Drummer was talking. With Drummers wifes help I got O2.
I was getting hit really hard at the time, and working at the vets office. I soon got to know so just about everyone on ch.com. With the right meds (that I found on this site) I was able to reduce my attacks and with things I learned for Jack and others here I learned how to deal better with my clusters.
Then the worst thing in the world happen to me. I found out I had Cancer. I will never forget that day as long as I live. It was the second time I had been told I had caner. Seven years before then I had fought cancer and won. Now I found out I had breast and lung cancer. I was alone when I found out the news. Drummer called me. I don’t think I ever cried as hard as I did that day, I wanted to hang up but Drummer said, its ok cry Elaine. I did. He let me cry and he said I am here. When I cried out he was still there. Then DJ called, tears again came, he let me cry also. Ch.com became more than a site to fight clusters for me. It was a place I came everyday, to keep from being alone. People became my friend and they helped me fight both.
I had one dream, that was to meet the man that had been my punching bag. I finally got the OK from the doctor to take a trip to meet my friend and his family. My daughter and I posted we were going to go meet Drummer, the next thing I knew Barbara D, Todd, Kip and his wife said they were going also. There we all meet. Oh what a dream come true. Little did I know at the time that it would lead to more dreams coming true? There in Drummers garage O.U.C.H. was born dream number two J! I couldn’t go home with out shaking the hand of the man that made it all possible so I went from New York back home to Georgia by way of Kansas. There I met the angel that made it all happen DJ! We met with another cluster head Nancy L. I still have a teddy bear and smile face bear and all the pictures from that tri. It was 3000 miles and it coat me $3000. A trip that was worth, much more that $3000 to me. Yes I drove the 3000 miles. I went home to die. I was happy tho. I had never even driven in Atlanta but here I was driving all over the USA.
Then when I came back home, I started working on the first convention. I did not think I would see the first convention. But I meet a man name Todd who worked on the convention with me. He and I talked a lot of nights about my fears of the future. We talked about my different chooses in treatment. I had said I would do nothing. I had given up all hope. We meet to work on the convention and some how this man gave me hope, and the courage to fight. I went back home and under went surgery. I lost a half a lung and was able to keep my breast. Drummer came to visit right after I came home from the hospital. I had one more operation to under go to remove a blockage in my neck. I went for it and thought this will be fine I didn’t even worry about that operation. I had a stroke, lost use of one hand and had some memory problems. I couldn’t remember numbers so good. That was important cause that was how I made a living. I was a office manager. Well Todd never gave up on me Bob P Margi, Paco, Jack , Drummer, Ricardo, kip , jonny sailpappy, Linda H , I can’t forget Ken Hubner and many many more people were there for me in every way. Bob P was my email every Monday and Friday we emailed each other, Dave he was on the phone with me. Jack, he was a email buddy and so was Ricardo, Paco well paco was right there for me. Margi well she was the person that when I was down and having a bad day would post Miss Holloman DJ has mirrors on his shoes. That’s how the Miss Holloman thing came about. It was something Margi came up with to make me laugh, on days I wanted to cry. Now Todd he knew how much I wanted to get my numbers back. He figured that were still in my brain, but that they had been miss placed. He bought me books, on math; I went from third grade level up. I worked on it every time I had a spare second. He checked it and it showed me where I screwed up. I also wanting to be on the computer and work on OUCH had to use my hand and soon my hand became good again. I still can’t gab things like I use to, but it works and only if you look close do you see the damage the stroke did. Todd was right my math skills were in a file and with work I found them again. I could not count money, but Todd taught me how again. I had to use a credit card for the longest cause I couldn’t count the money. But Todd showed me without making fun of me. I had given up the convention to Bob P because of my health. I was kind of lost, but they put me to work on the membership. Kept me working, well that was another dream, I missed the first convention, but watching and hearing about it was a dream come true along with being alive.
Then all was great I was doing good writing people in the guess book something I use to do. I wrote everyone that signed it back then, and my friends just grew. Then life fell apart again, I went for my check up and the cancer was back. I went though chemo and my friends were with me. It made things so much easier for me. I almost gave up this time. But again I couldn’t give up with so many behind me. The one thing I knew that was good about the treatments and operations was I had a break from clusters. But I came to the board and laughed cried and fussed with some. I have been very blessed…I went into remission and have stayed there. I have been through a divorce, had a grandchild, been through two kids having car wrecks. Each thing that happen to me, bad or good you all were there to share it and you each helped me fight it. If you guys knew how many times you have wiped away a tear from my eyes, how many loney nights you have seen me through. You were right there with me when JD was born. If you knew how many emails and pictures that got me by night after night you would be surprised. I think Drummer has seen my box of emails. I have made some great new friends as I do everyday on here. Jackie my dear friend ( who I talk to at lest three times a week we need a direct line), Barbara G, Judy W, Mel, Bama, and the list goes on.
The people here on ch.com taught me never to give up, never to let go of hope. They also taught me what true friends are. I owe my life to ch.com, I never had time to dream until I came here, kids to feed work ect... I get a dream and I hold on to it. I didn’t make the first convention, but I worked on the second and had it almost in my back yard. That was such a good dream that came true for me.
I had another dream and was able to live it the last few months. Thanks to Todd. Dreams come true for us all. You have to help make them come true. Sometimes dreams don’t turn out like you want them to but that don’t mean give up. If a dream doesn’t work out don’t give up. Find another dream and go from there.You just have to keep working and keep dreaming. My best friend in all the world I met here.
Ch.com and OUCH and you guys are much more to me than just a web site I come to. You have all made me dream, made me fight and gave me life. I still have clusters but they don’t seem to hurt as much as they did before I met you guys.
When you see a post about someone’s dog or their birthday, or their divorce, or a joke you don’t think should be there, there might be a reason its there, someone made someone smile or gave someone that push they needed to go forward. That someone just needs to be here. Maybe today they don’t have clusters, but we all know tomorrow they will.
Each one of you guys old and new holds a place in my heart and will for the rest of my life.
CH.com is much more than a cluster site! I love you guys and I hope I can give back in some way as much as you all have given me. Thank you for my tomorrows, and my yesterdays :-)!