Posted by trip (152.163.201.201) on December 05, 2001 at 11:54:03:
Knowledge
> The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood
> alcohol level.
>
> I live in my own little world, but it's OK, they know me here.
>
> If carrots are so good for the eyes, how come I see so many
> dead rabbits on the highway?
>
> I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with "Guess" written on
> it.
> I said, "Implants?"
>
> I don't do drugs anymore, cause I find I get the same
> effect just standing up really fast.
>
> Sign in a pet store: "Buy one dog, get one flea."
>
> Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier
> to live with.
>
> I got a sweater for Christmas...I wanted a screamer or a
> moaner.
>
> If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
>
> I don't approve of political jokes...I've seen too many of
> them get elected.
>
> The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has
> absolutely no trade-in value.
>
> There are two sides to every divorce: Yours, and shithead's.
>
> If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you
> tomatoes, make bloody marys. But if it deals you a
> truckload of hand grenades...now that's a message!
>
> I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person
> you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
>
> Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling
> alley.
>
> I married my wife for her looks...but not the ones she's
> been giving me lately!
>
> Every day I beat my own previous record for number of
> consecutive days I've stayed alive.
>
> Isn't it funny how the mood can be ruined so quickly by
> just one busted condom?
>
> How come we choose from just two people to run for
> president, and 50 for Miss America?
>
> Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having
> a peeing section in a swimming pool?
>
> Marriage changes passion...suddenly you're in bed with a
> relative.
>
> Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to
> see naked?
>
> The next time you feel like complaining, remember:
> Your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30% of the
> people in this world.
>
> Snowmen fall from heaven unassembled.
>
> Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear mom's
> wise words: Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's
> been."
>