Posted by Charlie S (206.159.166.146) on September 24, 2001 at 15:26:23:
Subject: Understanding Engineers
> Understanding Engineers-Take One
> Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
> "Where did you get such a great bike?"
>
> The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday
> minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this
> bike.
>
> She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
> "Take what you want."
>
> The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes
> probably wouldn't have fit."
> ----------------------------------------------
> Understanding Engineers - Take Two
>
> To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass
> is half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs
> to be.
> ----------------------------------------------
> Understanding Engineers - Take Three
>
> A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
> particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with
> these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
> The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such
> ineptitude!"
>
> The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a
> word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi George, say, what's with that
> group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The greens
> keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters lost
> their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always
> let them play for free anytime."
> The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, "That's so sad. I
> think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
> The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my
> ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for
> them."
>
> The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
> ----------------------------------------------
> Understanding Engineers - Take Four
>
> There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all
> things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30
> years, he happily retired.
> Several years later the company contacted him regarding a
> seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
> multimillion dollar machines.
> They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
> work but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired
> engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The
> engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the
> huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk
> on a particular component of the machine and stated, "This is
> where your problem is."
>
> The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.
> The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
> service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
> The engineer responded briefly:
>
> One chalk mark $1 Knowing where to put it $49,999
> It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
> ----------------------------------------------
> Understanding Engineers - Take Five
>
> What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
> Engineers?
>
> Mechanical Engineers build weapons.
>
> Civil Engineers build targets.
> ----------------------------------------------
> Understanding Engineers - Take Six
>
> Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
> possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical
> engineer. Just look at all the joints."
> Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
> has many thousands of electrical connections."
> The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run
> a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
> ----------------------------------------------
> Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
>
> "Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
>
> Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough
> features yet." --Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
> ----------------------------------------------
> Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
>
> An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it
> was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect
> said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation
> for an enduring relationship.
>
> The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
> passion and mystery he found there.
>
> The engineer said, "I like both."
>
> "Both?"
>
> Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
> assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to
> the lab and get some work done."
> ----------------------------------------------
> Understanding Engineers - Take Nine
>
> An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
> and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He
> bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog
> spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
> beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week." The engineer
> took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to
> the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back
> into a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
>
> Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
> into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've
> told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a
> week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
> The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for
> a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool.
Smiles, Charlie :^)