Posted by Carl D on April 15, 1999 at 00:29:54:
Well, I went to the ole quack monday. Told him I was getting headaches faster than they can sell lottery tickets. I am going through so much physical pain right now, I don't know If anyone truly understands (except maybe those who get them 4-10 Xs a day and feel like jumping off a cliff.) These are worse than the ones I had in '93 and '95. In fact, I've never experienced pain like this in my entire life (been burned, stabbed, etc.) And of course my family is tired of hearing about it. I am glad I found this site, because so far it is the ONLY support I've had emotionally. And when your tortured several times a day, its nice to know people are in your corner. now, can someone find a way to hug me through this damn box?
Sorry to unload, just going thru a major crisis, still don't know where I'll be staying at the end of the month, and my b-days the 20th (oh joy). Anyway, back to what I started to say before I went off on that tangent. Told the dr. I was going thru massive pain,not sleeping, and was throwing up blood on occasion. well, He prescribed Fiorinal, a combo of Butalitrol, aspirin and caffiene. said on the label may cause stomache bleeding. Well, in between headaches thru the night, I didn't sleep a wink, was sick to my stomache, and it didnt do a thing for the pain. Makes me want to invent a Cluster simulator, simulates the exact effect of a cluster headache, except you cant turn it off: you just have to ride it out. Man, I'll bet if you strapped a doc in that for a day, they'd be on th case immediatly. Until then, I'm just a centless bum who cant work anymore, has to rely on handouts, and cant even find a place to live. I'll tell you what it has done for me, Its given me a hell of a lot of respect for the homeless. Because they all have a story of how they got to where they are, and I'm sure some of them are like mine. Oh wait, probably not-theyre the ones that jump in front of semis and amtraks.Sorry to seem so grim, but thats how I feel at the moment.Wish I could just sit down and talk with someone who is going through the same thing I am. That would be nice. Maybe even therapeutic. I think either I'm gonna switch doctors, or find a good street dealer who can get me good painkillers. I am desperate like I've never been. I just want some relief, my dignity and my life back. Somebody, anybody....any suggestions? hand gun handouts? (not for me, but the psycho "practicing Physicians"....Hmmmm, guess that makess the ginuea pigs huh? Stay Strong (I'm having a hard time doing that myself).
Carl D.
P.S. Has anyone else lost control of bodily functions or passed out from the pain? Just curious...