Posted by drummer on April 13, 1999 at 18:46:23:
I Got It! I believe I've figured out the solution to our problem! No time to thank me now! We have considerable work to do!
Ok, listen. I was thinking back to my freshman year in high school. More specifically, my World History class. I seem to remember something about an important piece of paper or pamphlet or something that contains the rules for the world during a war. This pamphlet contains rules for being polite, friendly and professional during any war anywhere in the world. Oh Yeah. Now I remember. It's called the Geneva Convention.
Anyway, I'm fairly certain that most of the Leaders of the world got together and decided on the rules to put in this pamphlet. They got together sometime after World War I and before World War II. Some of the rules pertain to how soldiers need to behave during war. Soldiers on one "team" must be polite and professional to soldiers on the other "team". What got the wheels in my head spinning was this one rule about not torturing people. You see. I guess it's ok for one soldier to kill another soldier, but it's against the rules, for one soldier to torture another soldier. I'm sure these rules apply to civilians, as well as the brave fighting soldiers. (You know. That whole rape and pillage thing).
This is where we come in! First, due to the difficulty of communicating with each other on this type of format, let alone trying to vote, I will appoint my self as Leader of our group. You may call me Leader, Head Honcho, The Big Cheese or even, The Idiot With The Solution. (Sometimes even I, your Leader, refer to various World Leaders as, The Idiot With The Solution). Sorry, I'm drifting away from my point. I have a tendency to do that when I'm really excited.
Ok. Back on track. As you know, we are being tortured by a demon in our heads. I believe this to be against the Geneva Convention! And since we have a war going on now in Kosovo, this couldn't be a better time to voice this torture to the Leaders of the world. Just think, right now, every soldier involved in this war has the Geneva Convention pamphlet secured in one of the pockets of his or her uniform! (I'm pretty sure it's in their pocket for quick reference so as not to be impolite or unprofessional to another soldier).
Anyway. Think of the media attention! People will unite all over the world! They will take objection to us being tortured! Think, also, of the World Leaders and the utter disgust they will feel when they hear of this hideous torture!
All right then. Everyone grab a piece of paper and a pen. Write to your favorite World Leader and tell him or her of the torture that you endure. I'm sure they will respond immediately! I figure we should have an end to this torture by the end of next week or the following week at the latest!
Well, I have to go now. My wife says it's time for me to lie down and take my medication. "Ok Honey, I'll be right there"! "Just a couple of more minutes, Sweetie"! "I'm just putting some finishing touches on my solution for Cluster Headaches"!
Now where was I? Oh yeah! Try to keep the letter to your favorite World Leader simple and to the point. It is really important that we each choose a different World Leader. (I'm afraid if we all pick the same World Leader it may just prove to be ridiculous). Below is a sample letter:
Dear (your favorite World Leader's name here):
My name is (your name here). I would like to let you know that I am being tortured. I believe, actually I know, that this goes against the Geneva Convention pamphlet that our soldiers now carry in their pocket. Please end this torture by next week or at the latest the following week. Thank you.
Yours in (your favorite World Leader's favorite God's name here) name,
(your name again here)