Posted by Carl D (152.163.206.194) on April 05, 2001 at 19:44:11:
Why do I feel like instead of moving forward, everything keeps going in reverse? It seems it was not long ago I had someone flame me (Who I WILL name), named Tracy/Trouble. She was going off on me with her "tough love, advice" - or if you read it like many did, downright bashing. Then it was claimed as to how ingrateful I was as to the help that had been offered to me. When I defended myself, then suddenly I was attacking Elaine. Now lets get one thing straight...
Did anyone happen to notice that my post did not contain names, and was not a personal attack on any particular person?
I have NEVER attacked Elaine. That is something I would never do. I do find it disturbing though that when 3 or 4 people are offering 'advice' and flaming someone else, it is not considered attacking. Yet, Todd did say he was just trying to pose a question with me, while at the same time Mr Paco interjected his 'crucifying' comments (thank you Paco, you described your words better than I could have), and you know what? Whether intended or not, when you have 3 or 4 people slamming down on you, it can be very distressing. The irony is, I rarely go into chat. I went in there while I am here at my brothers house. I am showing my sis in law the chatroom, and how cool it is. Then I start getting 'advice' that is not being presented as such (except I will admit, Todd - you did try to clarify what you were saying). I do seem to remember teliing someone they needed to work on thier people skills while in chat last night. Hmmmm, now why would I make a statement like that unless I was feeling beat down myself? My sister in law was just standing here looking at it like, "Why are these guys treating you like that?" I sat here and thought to myself, "I have no freakin clue. I came into chat beat down, not feeling well (running a jamming fever and coughing up a lung), and then was faced with everyone hurling thier 'advice'in the form of small stones.
Elaine, you have proven the point of my last post to a great extent, unfortunately. I love you dearly, and if necessary, will go back and post a link to every single time I have publicly praised you. Not once have I attacked you, however, I could also go back and link to a few times where you did seem to throw a good stone my way. I am very hurt that you consider my words as 'beating you up'. I will say though that I did not name anyone in my previous post, and so if you thought it was about you, then that is coming from your own conscience. I have always been greatful for the help that has been given me, and will always help anyone I can, regardless.
I do have to say though, accusing August the way you have, I am very disturbed. This proves my point of taking it upon yourself to draw a conclusion about someone, and then postmark it as gospel. What proof do you have that Marie is not who she says she is? Why would you even give her such a hard time publicly about it? In the same respect, how does anyone know my name is really Carl D, and not Harvey Miller? The fact of the matter is, you can only believe I am Carl D because I said so (and just so you know, I am making a point here, and my name IS Carl D).
I will say that coming from one person, I may have taken it as advice. From two people, overstated advice. But when you have 3 or four people interjecting comments, and some of them dripping with brittle rebukes, it is, as Paco so graciously named it, a 'crucifixion'.
I will end all of the stinking BS on this note: I am done with the games. I am going through the fire, and do not need people throwing gas on it. I am not attacking anyone. I am not beating anyone up. I am fed up to my rotten teeth with being accused of doing such. My only regret is that I even went into the HSG chat last night to begin with. After this mornings incident, I am probably being blamed for whatever happened to chat, as I was talking with someone when the chatroom went down. Whatever. I have better things to do. Accuse me of whatever, say whatever - draw your own conclusions and make them gospel. I never came here in search of people to hurt. I figure they are doing enough of that already without any help from me. That is why I do not flame anyone when they are down, and 'tough love'is the biggest bullshit loaded gun you can hand someone. There is no such thing as tough love, but there is such a thing as caring for someone so much, that you get mad at them and say hurtful things. You know what? I am sorry if I hurt Elaine or Todd. That was never my intention. I am sorry Elaine only sees my negative posts, and has numbered me down (exact quote from chat last night), that I have left 20 positive posts and 200 negative posts. Hmmm, and that is why I received a few emails recently stating how far I had come from just a year ago.
Lastly, I would like to thank Margi for not taking sides, and for noticing that I have given my best shot at helping others here. I come here for support and to try to offer advice based on my own experiences. That is it. I am very grateful for the help that has been given me.
However, I will not repent of my words from last nights post, especially after reading the damning comments to August. Once again, I will stress this very clearly... I AM NO ONES JUDGE!!! I feel no need to be. The fact that anyone feels the need to rip people apart, or give advice in a harsh way bothers me. In my neighborhood, when 3 or 4 people are giving you 'advice' and some of them not being very nice about it, that is what is known as a 'mob action'.
I am lerning valuable lessons everyday, and have learned more than I cared to in just a short 24 hours.
You know what? On that note I am done with dragging the bull by the horns. I am sick of the personal attacks going on here. I have begun a work I intend to finish, both in this book and with O.U.C.H., and if anyone needs a shoulder to lean on without the threat of being thumped in the head, you have my email. I am just sick of this. I do not hate anyone here, I hate the fact that no one will admit when they are wrong.
With that, I apologize for anyone I have hurt, as it was never my intention. I do not expect an apology from anyone, as in thier eyes they do not see that they have done anything wrong. Never, ever underestimate the power of denial. It is like a wedge that divides quite nicely.
I don't know what else to say...
Its just one of those days when you don't wanna wake,
everything is fucked, everything sucks!
Peace,
Carl D