Posted by melissa (4.4.121.137) on March 09, 2001 at 22:08:58:
the posts on the board from the past week, makes me feel as if I'm in a maze. I've been trying to sort out the meaningful ones, ignoring the meaningless ones, and I've come to the conclusion, I need to take in a deep breath and clear my mind. Ok, a few deep breaths. There, it's still a bit foggy in there, but that'll clear up after a few days. For some reason, I need to talk, maybe cause my mom's getting worse, knowing that at times she can't breathe herself. She has to sleep with the O2 on, those damn tubes in her nose. The thought of it makes me sad and angry. I try to be calm, but inside I get so pissed off. The past couple days, I got rid of the 2 inch thick ice on our driveway, with a heavy mallot. Felt good swinging down, then up, and letting it hit hard, smashing off large blocks of it. Too bad I got rid of it all, maybe I'll go to the neighbors, and get rid of theirs too. It seems to be a good tension releaser. Smashing anything makes me feel good nowdays.(of course, things that CAN be smashed, firewood, rocks on the driveway with a hammer, cans...) Ok, I'm rambling, I need to do that sometimes, and you all are so great about letting me and others use the space. :o) I almost hate to say it, but If my mom passes before my cycle begins, I'll actually look forward to the pain. I know that sounds twisted, but It's just how I feel...today.
well, take care all, and give your loved ones an extra hug and kiss, let them know you think of them.
melissa