Posted by Donna (63.28.178.243) on March 09, 2001 at 00:11:43:
In Reply to: A Parent's Letter posted by TerryS on March 08, 2001 at 22:54:39:
how we effect the lives of our childern until we are too old ( and so are they) to do anything to change things.
We know that if a child misses certain behavior on the part of his nurturer at necessary stages, he will be missing a piece of the puzzle that makes up an important part of his character. Just as the 4-5 year old wets the bed, you can bet that he experienced trauma at around 2-1/2---parents separated, Grandma got sick or died, the puppy got run over, etc. Or the 7 mo. old who is terrified of anyone other than his immediate family and we force him to sit on the lap of Santa! Good Lord-a monster in red with all of that white mess on his face.
Or the 2 month old preemie who is still in the hospital. Let's hope he's in a Childrens Hospital where he gets lots of touching from the nurses as did my twin preemie grandsons. Otherwise it is possible that due to lack of human contact, they grow socially undeveloped. Once they miss a stage, it can't be recovered. And there are so many all before the age of six. Then there's the 12 year old who is asking himself who he is, what he's worth and if he's loveable.
It's just a damn shame that there aren't pre-parenting classes teaching young parents about the "no" stage and how not! to react. The most important job of your life, and no one prepares you for it.
We lost one of the preemie twins at 8 months old after his third brain surgery for being hydrocephalis due to brain bleeds at birth, and the trauma to the ventricals in the brain.
We also lost my 28 year old nephew to an unknown virus picked up at the beach or at an unchlorinated pool. Within 48 hours he went from perfectly healthy to dead. All of the traits of hemorraghic fever.
And there was my own 7 mo preemie who lived 36 hours, after 2 miscarriages.
What I am trying to say to you is that life if so so fragile. Don't miss a heart beat.
Copy and tape Terry's message to your refrig. and read it as soon as you get up each morning.
Discipline your child, but let them know how much you love them. Set their boundaries, make them stay within, but listen to their side of the story and take your time explaining why you are right. Always leave that line of communication open. No arguing, just facts. You set the rules but you also set the atmosphere.
Your old nursery school administrator,
Donna
ps-Terry knows how to push my "children" button.