Posted by Riccardo (195.103.80.194) on February 14, 2001 at 10:44:10:
I found this on the WEB. It worth a reading....:-)
Ciao
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Multitasking
You can crash several programs all at once. No waiting !
Built-in Networking
You can crash several PC's all at once.
No need to buy Novell Personal Netware or LANtastic to crash.
Microsoft Network
Connect with other Windows 95 users and talk about your crash experiences. Support groups in different cities will be organized.
PnP
Plug and Pray (that it works)
Multimedia
Experience the immense sight and sound of crashing.
Compatible with existing software
It will also crash your existing software.
Increased Productivity
You will need to *increase* your budget to buy more *products* like RAM and HardDrives. Better yet, get a new computer ! That's product-ivity.
User-Friendly
Picture of clouds
State of the Art
Pay for Bill's next bid for a work of art.
MacIntosh-like
It took Microsoft eleven years and it's not even original.
Online Registration
Dial into Microsoft and let them snoop around your harddrive. This will guarantee you a place in Microsoft's files for the rest of your life.
MS Plus
More money for Bill's plus side.
Optimize
It will increase the utilization of your hard drive and cpu so much so that you'll end up upgrading your system. See "Increased Productivity".
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Questions and Answer Jokes:
Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.
Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.
Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."
Q: How many Microsoft tech support people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay. Now exactly how dark is it? Okay, there could be four or five things wrong ... have you tried the light switch?
Q: How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to hammer the bulb into a faucet.
Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Eight. One to work the bulb and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.
Q: How many Microsoft testers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We just determine that the room is dark; we don't actually change the bulb. Since we have a dead-bulb result on file from a previous test, rest assured that Development is working on a bug fix.
Q: How many Microsoft shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb? A: We can change the bulb in seven to ten working days. If you call before 2pm and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight. Don't forget to put your name in the upper right-hand corner of the light bulb box.
Q: How many Microsoft managers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to determine what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.
Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. But they'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy as it would be for a Mac user.
Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new industry standard.
Q: How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 57; one to write WinGetLightBulbHandle(), one to write WinQueryLightBulbStatus(), one to write.....
Q: How many Apple Newton users does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup.
Microsoft have announced that their latest Operating system - Windows 98 is to be renamed prior to its launch, to "Diana".
A spokesman from Microsoft said that it was in tribute to the late Princess of Wales and is a fitting name for a product that will look flash, be mostly superficial, consume vast amounts of resources and crash spectacularly.
This is regarding the $100 million cash infusion from Microsoft to Apple deal:
Q: What do you get when you combine Microsoft with Apple?
A: Microsoft