Posted by Aaron (147.145.40.42) on December 18, 2000 at 02:03:37:
The first episode of clusters I experienced was about 9
years ago. I had no idea what I was enduring and attributed
to side effects of the combinations of inhalants, hallucinogens,
and crystal meth that I was abusing. Here I am drug-free and I
am on my third episode (I had one about 3 years ago and
this is when I found out what clusters were). Without any warning,
I awoke 4 days ago with the telltale tingle behind my left eye.
Due to the extended remission, I had no Imitrix at
hand and within minutes my dread soon turned into horror. I
was violently thrashing about like a madman sobbing to the heavens
for any sensation other than the torment of the Beast. Peaking into
the attack after about 20 minutes, I could not help but curse (yet
beg) the God that has allowed His creation to suffer such merciless
anguish. We have heard the pain often described as worse than
complicated childbirth or accidental amputation. Doesn't it make
it all the more excruciating when we see the disapproving stares
of indifference upon the faces of the uninitiated at the emergency
room? The trite, almost inhumane, remarks about taking "an extra
Tylenol" when the symptoms are explained to them. They are the
blessed majority, and they cannot begin to fathom just how horrific
the pain actually is. It is now day four since the first headache and
I am once again on Imitrix (nasal) and Predizone. I have endured
three clusters since the initial attack and am helpless to when the
next one will arrive. I pray to God that I am not in public when they
decide to strike. What I do know however is I must finally recognize
that I have been created to suffer (the cluster headaches
are just another example of my despair). Forsaken from my Creator
(I have turned to you more than many God!!!), my fate is predestined.