Posted by Nancy (216.236.5.104) on October 31, 2000 at 17:19:48:
Buford
Well, Buford's old lady had been pregnant for some time, and now the time had come. So, he brought her to the doctor, and the doctor began to deliver the baby. She had a little boy, and the doctor looked over at
Buford and said, "Hey, Buford! You just had you a son!"
Buford got excited by this, but just then the doctor spoke up and said,
"Hold on, son! We ain't finished yet!" The doctor then delivered a little girl. He said, "Hey, Buford! Hey, you got you a daughter!"
Buford got kind of puzzled by this, and then the doctor says, "Hold on, we still ain't finished!" The doctor then delivered another boy. He said, "Buford,
you just had another boy! But don't worry, 'cause that's it!"
So, Buford and his wife went home with the three children.
When they got home, they sat down and began talking. Buford said,
"Mama, you remember that night that we ran out of Vaseline and we had
to use that 3-in-1 Oil?"
She said, "Yeah, I do."
Buford said, "Man, it's a damn good thing we didn't use no WD-40!
////////////////////////////
HOTEL CHARGES
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're
too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They
stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep
for four hours and then get back on the road.
When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk
hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know
why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice
hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells
him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the
manager.
The manager listens to the man and then explains the
hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that
were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains
they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is
famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las
Vegas perform here," explains the manager.
No matter what facility the manager mentions, the
man replies, "But we didn't use it!"
The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives
up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager.
The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he
says, "this check is only made out for $100."
"That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250
for sleeping with my wife."
"But I didn't!" exclaims the manager.
"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."
///////////////////////////////////
An 85-year old man is having his annual checkup. The Doctor asks him how he is feeling. "I've got an eighteen-year old bride who's pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?"
Well, the Doctor considers this for a moment, and then says, "Well, let me tell you a story. I know of a guy who's an avid hunter. He never misses a season. But one day he's in a bit of a hurry and he accidentally
grabs his umbrella instead of his gun. So he's walking in the woods near a creek and suddenly spots a beaver in some brush in front of him!
He raises up his umbrella, points it at the beaver and squeezed the handle. BAM!!!! The beaver drops dead in front of him."
"That's impossible!", says the old man in disbelief, " Someone else must have shot that beaver."
The Doctor says, " My Point Exactly."