Posted by Nancy (216.236.5.73) on October 23, 2000 at 09:58:42:
Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff has assured them that the pilots will be there soon, and the flight can take
off immediately after that. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms--both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enterthe cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a
little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it
begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked
screams fill the cabin--but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands.
Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, "You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die..
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Now for a better one
THE MONKEY, THE LION, THE DONKEY AND THE MAN
It seems that when God was making the world, he called man over and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life.
Man was horrified. "Only twenty years of normal sex life?" he asked.
But the Lord was very adamant, and that was all man could have.
Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years. "But I don't need twenty years," he protested, "Ten is plenty for me." Man spoke up eagerly, "Can I have the other ten?" The monkey graciously agreed.
Then the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years, and the lion, like the monkey, wanted only ten. Again the man spoke up, "Can I have the other ten?" The lion said of course he could.
Then came the donkey and he was given twenty years, but like the others, ten was sufficient, and again man pleaded, "Can I have the other ten?"
The donkey agreed.
This explains why man has twenty years of normal sex life, plus ten years of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it and ten years of making an ass of himself.
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Now even better one (for this time of year)
A man was walking home alone late one night when
he hears a.........
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP... behind him.
Walking faster he looks back,
and makes out the image of an upright
coffin banging its way down the middle of the
street towards him
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run towards
his home, the coffin bouncing
quickly behind him ...
faster...
faster...
BUMP...
BUMP....
BUMP....
He runs up to his door,
fumbles with his keys, opens the door,
rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the coffin crashes through his
door, with the lid of the coffin clapping ...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on the heels of the terrified man.... .
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom,
the man locks himself in. His heart is
pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is
coming in sobbing gasps.....
With a loud CRASH the coffin starts breaking
down the door.
Bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for
something heavy, anything ...
his hand comes to rest on a large bottle of
Robitussin.
Desperate, he throws the Robitussin as
hard as he can at the apparition.......and
...........
...........
..........
...........
...........
...........
...........
...........
..........
........................the coffin stops
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~~Hugs and a smile,
Nancy ;-)