Posted by Linda the Brit on February 23, 1999 at 18:17:21:
In Reply to: Re: OK - Let's talk about SUICIDE posted by Linda B on February 23, 1999 at 15:23:03:
I have thought about this often during a cluster. I know that if I had a loaded gun during a bad cluster I WOULD use it. I don't even think I would think about the consequences. However, when I lived at home my I would aften scream at my Mum and Dad to hit me and knock me out and this would upset my Dad so much that he would vomit with shock and horror - so imagine what suicide would do to him. As an aside, I have a wonderful doc, who prescribes me sleeping tablets during the peak of my cluster, so that I can at least get a few hours sleep and try to break the cycle. He told me that a previous doc had described me as "clinically depressed" I understand this, not because I walk under a dark cloud all the time, but I am very "up and down" I'm either very happy or very down, there's no grey area.
By the way, my clusters build up in both frequency and intensity, reaching a peak when I have five or six a day and the pain is indescribable. At the peak of each individual headache I get a really weird feeling- like a wave of numbness is creeping over my brain and for the few seconds that this lasts the pain is blocked out, but this only lasts literally two seconds, and while it is a relief, it is also very, very scary - my doc can't explain, says it could be my own way of trying to pass out but I subconciously hold back. Anyone else get this??