Posted by Nancy (216.236.6.18) on September 27, 2000 at 18:07:35:
A game called bridge....
A maid applied for a job. Her references showed that she had worked only one day at her last job. When asked why, she said- Yessums, dey pays good wages,
but dey goes in for some funny monkey shines. Dey playes a game called "Bridge"
Well, last night dere was a lotta folks over, all sittin round tables. Ah was in de kitchen mindin'ma own business, when I hears a lady say to a man,"lay
down and let me see what you got." Dis man says, "Well ah got strength but not enough length. Den anudder says to a lady, "take your hands offa my trick."
Ah pretty nears drops daid when dat lady says to him," you forced me-you jumped me twice when you didn't have the strength for even one raise." An just imagine, anudder lady starts talking about protecting her
honor."
Well , ah figures dis is no place for me to work so ah heads for the door-and, so help me, ah hears a man say- "well, I guess we'll all go home soon, we're on the last rubber.
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Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning.
Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mable,did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear? "Mable answered,
"I have? A suppository?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
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A little old couple in their eighties was sitting on the couch watching the Playboy Channel. He looked at her and asked, "Do you think we can still do that?" "Well, we can sure try!" she answered. So they
shuffled off to the bedroom. He went into the bathroom to get ready and she took off all her clothes in the bedroom. When he came out of the bathroom, he saw her standing on her head in the middle of the bedroom
floor. "What are you doing, sweetheart?" he asked "Well," she replied,
"I thought if you couldn't get it up, maybe you could just drop it in!
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A guy walks into a drug store looking for condoms. He finds a box that costs $5.00 and takes it up to the counter. The clerk rings it up and says, "That'll be $5.40." So the man asks what the extra 40 cents is
for and the clerk replies that it's for tax. Hearing this the man replies,
"Tacks! Hell, I thought you just rolled them on!"
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When the husband finally died his wife put the usual death notice in the paper, but added that he died of gonorrhea. No sooner were the papers delivered when a good friend of the family phoned and complained
bitterly, "You know very well that he died of diarrhea, not gonorrhea."
Replied the widow; "I nursed him night and day so of course I know he died of diarrhea. But I thought it would be better For posterity to remember him as a great lover rather than the big shit he always was."