Posted by Teresa (216.98.69.169) on August 29, 2000 at 13:25:33:
In Reply to: Suicide Headaches posted by Annie on August 15, 1999 at 19:14:44:
I am 43 yrs old. I remarried a wonderful man two years ago this month, the 22 Aug. I have had migraines for 30 yrs, they did not prevent my joining the Army in 1978 as the first coed basic training. I was selected as the soldier of the year out of 1190 men and women; my migraines didn't prevent that, neither did they stop me from beint accepted as the Officer Management Supv. (as a civilian I might add) in Panama during the Noriega Regime and at the age of 40 I graduated as a Registered Nurse doing a job I longed for all my life, oncology and hospice. After only four months, I was totall blindsided by these headaches that were 100x the pain of a migraine and visited me 6-10x per day. Of course I resigne my position against my bosses request. The headaches have left me confused and disoriented and I could not risk making a medication error and causing someone dear to me great harm. All the meds I have been given have all failed. I am now on Atacand for BP which I have never had complicated with decreased heart rates of 47-59. The only med that seems to work is stadol ns and it's 79.40/bottle (about 3-4 headaches worth). I have a daughter with learning disabilities and I must see her graduate in 2002 and see my grandchildren. I have been to Univ. of Va and Medical Col. of Va, they write the prescriptions but we can't afford them and our insurance co Trigon will only pay for 4/month.
The last two weeks of the month I get desperate like now. I start mixing valium, xanax, sonata, darvocets and phenergan without a glint of wooziness, however, if i don't get help soon, i know, even though I am a nurse I will probably accidently mix the wrong combination and it will be fatal, never intentially but looking for relief desperately. I have lived what i consider the best two years of my life from my bed. My wonderful husband has accompanied me to every single doctors appt. and cried himself pleading to help me, you see he too sees himself as helpless and he loves me and my daughter too so much, so you see these "cluster headaches" have not just destroyed my life, but, three lives. I want them to remember me when i was everyone's caretaker and no challenge to great. I don't want them to remember having to help me to the bathroom, carrying my food and encouraging me to eat, or my daughter afraid to venture too far from home for fear i might need her. I'm trying to hold on, but, please if there are any web doctors who read this, please have them contact me soon, I don't know how much longer I can hold out. My allergies are PCN, Imitrex, Zomig, Maxalt, Nitroglycerin, vistaril, Demerol is questionable (was told so, but, given accidently by local hospital without allergic reaction). Please help,if nothing else, thank you for listening, it at least kept me busy enough writing this letter, but, now I have to go back to my real life and the all too painful cycle of clusters without any combative agent.
Sincerely,
Teresa H., R.N.