Posted by MOB (62.254.0.4) on August 28, 2000 at 08:36:09:
Been having a really bad week. Attacks running into each other, just constant pain. about 3.00am this morning (U.K Time) just could not take anymore.
my wife was awake crying because she could not help, her crying woke my 20mnth old daughter then they were both crying. I crawled to the top of the stairs thinking if i throw myself down then maybe i would knock my self out and find release from the demon.
i was just sat there rocking and groaning ( as you all know )and my daughter came to the door saying "daddy-hug". I couldn't, i just wanted it all to stop - my pain, their pain, but mostly mine. My little girl who loves me unconditionally wanted me and all i could think about was my pain.
What kind of father does that make me. I been chronic since 95 you would think I would hsve learnt how to cope by now I hate putting my loved ones through so much pain, I hate the demon, I hate my self for having it.
Sorry.