Posted by Jayne (209.214.117.132) on June 23, 2000 at 11:39:32:
MAJOR U.S. UNIVERSITY DISCOVERS NEW ELEMENT!
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by
investigators at a major U.S. research university, The element,
tentatively named Administratium, has no protons or electrons and thus
has
an atomic number of 0. However, it does have 1 neutron, and 111
assistant
vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by a force that involves the
continuous exchange of meson-like particles called morons. It is also
surrounded by a vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since it has no electrons, Administratium is inert. However, it can be
detected chemically as it impedes every reaction in comes in contact
with.
According to the discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium causes
one
reaction to take over four days to complete when it would have normally
occurred in less that one second.
Administratium has a normal half-life of approximately three years, at
which time it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in
which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons, and assistant vice neutrons
exchange places.
In fact, an Administratium sample's mass actually INCREASES over time,
since with each reorganization some of the moron inevitably become
neutrons, forming new isotopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion lead some scientist to speculate
that perhaps Administratium is spontaneously formed whenever morons
reach a
certain quantity in concentration This hypothetical quantity is
referred
to as "critical morass."
--- James Morse