Posted by Carl D (208.4.19.13) on June 09, 2000 at 08:17:22:
Well, I had a rather 'light' day yesterday, and this morning hasn't been too terribly bad. Not counting the fact that I had a massive panic attack about 4:00 this morning and thought I would drop dead of a heart attack at any moment. I guess the panic attacks coming back are a result of all of the stress I've been under, as I have had several this week - which is unusual. The last CH attack was at 2:30 or so this morning, and was about a 6 or 7. The last few have been like that: Kip-level 5-7, lasting about 45 minutes. Still sucks, but not as bad as straight 10's at an hour and a half apiece.
Man, if I only got attacks like this all of the time, then I might look at someone who has gone through '10 valley'(level 10 all the way) and wonder why they are ragging so much about it. I would be tempted to call them whiners - or whatever. The thing is, what I am going through right now is bad, no - it sucks. But compared to what I have been going through, it is not that bad.
What I have been going through is hardcore 10's lasting sometimes up to two hours between 6 to 10 times a day. On top of that, my TMJ is getting worse, and so are my teeth.
With the last couple of days, I have fantasized that maybe they are tapering down and I will go completely out of cycle soon; or they are just taking a deep breath before diving into more concrete waters. In any case, I am being brutalized by the beast a little less than I have been, and with the hydrocodone - have been completely pain free the last few hours!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now if I can just learn to transform hours into days - into years.
I have decided to become an artist - I am getting good a drawing conclusions...
Inniewae...
Peace,
Carl D