Posted by Jonathan on January 18, 1999 at 08:24:35:
Yippee…… :o))
I couldn't help it I just had to post this massage to let all you friends out there know there is an end to your pain even if it's only a short time…! For those of you who don't know me, My name is Jonathan, 27 years old, Lotus Notes Administrator working in London United Kingdom. (For those of you still seeking similarities between looks and CH etc. here is my profile) I'm 5 feet 11 inches, I'm medium build, have dark hair, blue eyes and weigh 10 stone. I've had CH's for 7 years and was chronic for a year and 6 months until a short time ago. I'm gay so I can safely say that looking at the forum and the diversity of people, their sexuality and their beliefs, I'm personally convinced that this is a purely physical condition that has no correlation to any belief, look, or sexuality. It hits different people at different ages and at different times. I'm sure however that worrying about whether the CH's are caused by the lump on your shoulder, or the colour of your eyes, or your personal sexual taste or other, doesn't help, and probably plays some part in stressing one out more than is healthy for anyone already suffering from this disabling condition. But all that aside.. My main reason for posting is I was in a very bad way only a short time ago.. I was ready to die, I was desperate for an answer to the question "Why do I get these headaches" which I'm sure you all ask your selves.. and after months and months of chronic headaches I still had no answer. I'd been through every med my doctor knew about and none appeared to work that well, or for long.. I was at the end of my tether, I'd lost my long term partner, I'd almost completely destroyed any friendships I had, I was going MAD and nearly lost my job too. It was the end. Life wasn't worth living, but through all of the hell I had to live through, through all of the hell I put myself through, and through all of the pain I had to live with, I found that this place kept me going. This site kept me hanging on. Even when I ran away for a couple of weeks, (trying to run from I don't know what, myself I guess). This site was always here, and was always in my mind. I WAS NOT ALONE…. I always have to thank you all for being here. Thanks to you and thanks to this site.. Without it I don't know how I would have managed.
I stopped being a chronic cluster sufferer about a month and a half ago. I had changed to a new drug called Eplim, Sodium Valproate. I started to feel the headaches getting weaker and weaker over Christmas, I'd given up alcohol and cigarettes during the last six months of attacks, in the hope that that would help end the terror of the headaches. I posted recently letting you all know that the meds were working and that I was beginning to get my life back together, feeling good about myself again, rebuild new friendships. And putting on weight. Looking and feeling human again.. Well now I want to tell you that I'M FREE, I'm off all medication. I started to slowly reduce the number of pills I was taking over the last month, and now I don't take any.. I'm off the drugs and I have had no headaches in over a month.. I'm so happy, I can't explain it to you in words. Suffice to say, I'm crying right now.. I guess the point in all this blah, blah, blah I've posted is : "THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. AND THERE IS ALWAYS AN END TO THE PAIN.. EVEN IF IT's ONLY FOR A LITTLE WHILE" I hope, I pray you find the end of your pain soon.. I KNOW YOU WILL.. You just have to hang in there just a little while longer.. I promise you relief is just around the corner.
The CH's may come back to me, but in the mean time. I'm enjoying life in a way I never did before.. I'm more in touch with myself and my feelings. I'm enjoying feeling every emotion and sensation life and my body can give me. Last night I went out and spent half an hour jumping in a puddle, making the reflection of the moon go all wobbly and then waiting for the puddle to be still again, feeling the breeze against my face. LIFE IS A BUITIFUL THING, never forget that even if life is dealing you hard times.
Love and pain free lives to you all.
Jonathan.