Posted by Elaine (24.88.1.116) on May 24, 2000 at 09:24:14:
In Reply to: Arguments, CH, Arrogance, Chill pills, Disability, etc. posted by Carl D on May 23, 2000 at 21:01:26:
I have had a soft spot for you in my heart ever since I came to the site. You are a very creative person. You have a lot of talent. You like me have gotten clusters and we are chronic! They hurt like hell. Like you I do not know as no one does why we have them ,where they came from or what causes them. I would love to be episodic, I had two months of pain free days and I liked it. OK people in hell want ice water just because I want it don’t mean I will get it. I just have to hurt and go on. When I have my clusters its not unusual to hear me say I hate the SOBs. I cry and I have been known to kick the door or wall. I have also been know to say I want to die during one. But when its over I am ok. I go on with life. I sure wish you could. I know that you have more than just clusters to deal with. TMJ, and that makes your clusters worst! I know what its like not to have sleep.
You talk about disability only being $475 a month. That’s $475 more than what you have now! There are other things that should go along with that. Food stamps, and medical care. Plus you will get a settlement. There is always ways to make extra money over the counter. If you can’t think of ways to make it I can.
You talk about the things that go on here on the board. The fussing and fighting. Let me tell you something. The good people on this board support each other and have supported you! I have collected money from these fine people to help you! Your medication has been paid for with this money. You have been sent money and a computer. We work hard thinking of ways to help you. The bad people who post on this board screw them. They don't matter, they are just a wast of space.
I love you dearly, but its time you help yourself some. Be thankful for the things you receive. Be thankful for the people who try to help you. Forget about the ones who want to hurt you.
In between the clusters rest and try to enjoy. I am not attacking you, but I am running out of ways to help you. No matter what we do it does not seem to be enough. I don’t know how to help you any more. If you think of something please let me know. I have stayed up and worried about you night after night after seeing one of your post. I went on my trip worried about you cause you called me at 4am and I was worried you might hurt yourself. I even called Drummer cause I was worried. I want to help you but I don’t know how.
I am sorry I did not take my chill pill this morning and your post cut like a knife! Tell me how to make things better and God knows I will!
I just can't make the clusters go away.