Posted by August (206.103.56.28) on May 09, 2000 at 06:01:13:
I'm hurting really bad inside. My pride is the only thing keeping me going. That is such a bullshit reason to keep going. The really stupid thing is that I hate crying, and I haven't cried in so long that it's making me feel like a complete idiot.
I know I'm no different than anyone else here. Everyone has their own flavor and brand of pain. That makes it all the harder to think you deserve relief when everyone else deserves it even more. I wonder how many people come here and are crying. We don't know it because we can't see them. We read their words and offer support and life goes on. What else can we do.
I don't know. I have no answers. I understand very little in life. All this pain makes no sense to me. It makes me angry and I want it to end now for everyone.
I'm going to be gone for a while. I'm sick of hospitals. I'm sick of doctors(no offense to any out there) I'm sick of the smell of radiolgy labs. Someone asked me if I was giving up. No is the answer. Just need to go away and contemplate the meaning of life. Hitch Hike back to Montana or wherever that meaning of life is. Maybe I'll find it in the video store under Monty Python.
I meant what I said, I do care about everyone here, and want you all to be free of pain yesterday!!
ok, I made a big enough idiot out of myself to last a lifetime. That should keep me from posting for a year.