Posted by Ted (152.163.201.49) on May 07, 2000 at 22:44:30:
It seems some people are at the ends of their ropes. How many people have been there and are now SO glad that they didn't do it? For those who were close, if you can go one step further and tell them why you're glad that you didn't do it then, it might be helpful.
I'll start. I gave up on thinking it was worth all this pain just to reach some "natural end." I always figured, as drummer does, that this life is a series of random coincidences that basically boils down to, when you question "why"? "Why not"? Whatever your belief system is, it's easy to justify ending it. That one always seemed easiest. That's not why I chose it. It really just made more sense. Anyway, here I am figuring that none of it matters or makes sense, in the big picture, whether I live or die. And then I realized, I'm not living for the big picture. I'm living for the small one. I'm alive because a series of random events made these cells arise as me. And if I off myself, it may never happen again.