Posted by Carl D (208.4.19.225) on April 30, 2000 at 13:41:44:
I am still confused and hurt by something. I don't quite understand a couple of things:
First off, I was told I should not come here and unload anymore. Yet someone failed to send me the e-mail that venting is no longer allowed on CH.Com. Excuse me, but isn't that what this board is for?
Several other things were said that really gets me. I was talking to someone from the board on the phone last night who was puzzled by the responses to my post Friday as well. As he pointed out, before I was limited on internet time, I would answer other peoples questions and try to offer support when I could. I have tried to use my experiences to help others. I have evn been told by some that when I have vented and left my darkest posts, that it has helped them to face the beast yet another day, and also to realize they are not alone in thier feelings of despair. I cannot do much, but I do what I can.
It has been said that I have not tried to help myself. If someone is going to make a statement like this about anyone - it should be followed up with an instance in which the person could have done something, but didn't. When I could not find a way to the doctors office, I even risked driving myself.
Also, there was a time when I tried to do everything on my own and hoped I would never have to rely on anyone for help. Since I have been without a job for two years now, no income - I have been offered help.
With my pride in the back seat, there has not been an offer of help I have rejected.
Elaine started a medical fund for me since I cannot afford doctors visits and meds - and I accepted. She has helped me more than anyone knows, yet she will humbly tell you she did nothing but leave a few posts. Thankfully I have found a friend in her and she knows what I have been going through and how much I have been fighting.
I find it ironic too that when I come here, I vent. I don't come here to deliberately tear someone else down, belittle them, or judge them. I come here for advice from some, comfort from others, and have made some good friends. Even in my darkest times, they have not judged me for how I feel - even if I am emotionally overloaded. I have good days, and I have bad days. I do not have a normal life and, even tried to work and hold a job when it became impossible. I have been to several docs, tried all kinds of different meds - I have even taken my last few dollars to buy another herbal treatment to test out and see if it would give me any relief. I have also tried experimental things like the Methylcobalamin - which most people would have been afraid of. Even did the bleu cheese/vinegar/egg thing - it did not work. So to say I have not tried to help myself - apparently someone is not paying much attention.
I will not come here and belittle someone. There are even people who have picked at me in the past and I have responded in anger. I try not to even give those people the time of day anymore. It is pointless.
I will continue to come here and post, on good days and bad. When I am pain-free or when I am hurting. I will continue to vent on this board until it becomes outlawed - and then I am sure I will be welcomed at headachesupportgroups.com.
Some people use language in thier posts and have been told they cannot do so.
Some people have left prayers and words of encouragement and have been told they cannot do so.
I come here to vent and unleash my feelings of hopelessness instead of letting it build up inside of me - now I am being targeted for that.
This is CLUSTERHEADACHES.COM. It is for the sufferer and the supporter alike. If someone wants to pray outloud, curse, yell, scream in capital letters, whatever - it is thier right to do so. I have said it before and I will say it again: If you do not like "The Three Stooges", no one forces you to watch them.
Just the same, don't tell others how to deal with thier pain and loneliness.
If you do not like mayo, then don't put it on your sandwich.
If you don't like what someone has to say, then don't listen.
If you do not like the fact that I vent here - THEN DO NOT OPEN A POST FROM CARL D OR FREEk.
If you do and it offends/upsets you, it is your own damn fault!!!
Peace among the vipers,
Carl D