Posted by DocGreg on December 14, 1998 at 23:51:24:
In Reply to: On the outside looking in posted by Vergie on December 14, 1998 at 23:06:18:
V,
It is great that you care so much. And understanding what he is going through is the most important.
When I have a cluster...I do generally want to be left alone. If my girlfriend sits with me quietly...fine. But I can't stand anyone touching my head when I am having a headache. Holding my hand, rubbing my back...OK, but don't touch my head. I am spending too much thought directing the pain away and down...the touch just complicates it all.
Most of all, just patience. I can pretend that I am not having a headache, but it is easier to just let the guard down. If I want to bang my head, don't stop me. May look funny to others, or they think I would hurt myself...but I never have. And it feels good. Head in freezer also...looks strange...but don't try to stop me.
As with most people who are having pain, saying you understand their pain only angers them. You don't understand it. I don't understand the pain of labor...as I have never experienced it. It's often better just to not say anything. He has a headache...just acknowledge it...and wait it out. He has learned what is best for him.
That's what seems to work with the two of us. You two are, of course, unique and you will find what works best for you. Ask him when he doesn't have a headache what he would like you to do. I'm sure he will tell you.
Good luck
Greg