Posted by DON R on December 04, 1998 at 00:04:06:
In Reply to: family members of ch sufferers posted by ree on December 03, 1998 at 18:05:00:
no. you do not want this pain. no one should have this pain. i am sitting here in san francisco tonight. after days of storms and now a full moon lighting the windy sky. drinking a glass of wine,talking with my wife about having a baby. remembering the four months of summer and fall drugged and scared and hurting bad and wondering whether this time i was going chronic or crazy or just plain losing mynerve. like the meds you once trusted lose theirguts and strength and faithfulness and leave youhanging and defenseless, knowing there is anotherbad night on the way and your armor is shot full of holes and you don't know what to do and you're afraid to go asleep and wondering how you're goingto fake it through another day of work tomorrow. tonight those months seem far away and I know we will have a beautiful baby and figure a way out and around and through these things and that I will become and make myself strong and healthy and ready to fight again. but at the same time I know my head has hurt worse and worse and longer and longer with more and more triggers over the years and that I hope I am not kidding myself in all this hopefulness and in this looking forward and enjoying this glass of wine and this talk. but one thing I know is that no one else no one at all but especially no one in my family -- or yours -- wants any part of this pain.