Posted by Linda on November 28, 1998 at 16:17:14:
You would think a chronic 20 year`s CH sufffer would be happy that she was given 10 day`s with not having one. Instead I find myself mad as heck. For 10 Beautifull day`s I got to live the life I dreamed of for 20 year`s. I got the chance to do thing`s with my children,Hubby and friend`s that CH Stopped me from in joying. But instead of feeling greatfull I find myself pissed off. I feel I have been unrightfull given this hell back. I alway`s knew in those 10 day`s that it might come back. But damit I want more time. I want to stop yelling at my family because I feel like crap. All this does is make me feel worse than I all ready do. Guilt can be a terrible thing. But it is worsen when it`s not your fault.
Before you say pray. God all ready know`s I pray to him every waking hour to make this stop. I have lite enough candle`s and sayed enough prayer it should be stopping someone`s pain. Even if it`s not mine.
For those of you that have never been pain free I can understand why you would set there and say "Why is this woman complaining? If I had those 10 day`s I would be so greatfull."
Now it`s back to the drawing board. Trying different some time very weird thing`s to stop this nightmare I live in.
I sit once again inside myself watching my family have fun. Knowing they or wishing proable more than I that this hell they call CH was gone. Wishing that they also could had those 10 day`s back.
Sorry for pouring this all on you again.
But I know I am with ppl that know where I come from. Truthfully my hubby doesnt understand this pain. He think`s I should be able to take a pill or some magic postion and it should be gone. Dont we all wish it was that simple.
Agiain I am sorry for caring on like this.
Hope you all a PAIN FREE LIFE. Linda