Posted by Kenn (205.188.199.141) on February 15, 2000 at 10:38:33:
In Reply to: Just need to vent.... posted by Miss Nut ...... AKA Monique on February 15, 2000 at 02:16:43:
You must believe this: what you described in your post goes on step by step, word for word and tear for tear in hundreds, perhaps thousands of households every freaking night of the year all over the globe.
And, when Greg refers to himself as a "stupid B@#!@ (did I spell that right?) he has used the exact same words in precisely the same tone of whimpering that we all have used many, many times and probably will again.
When reading posts such as yours, I am frequently brought to tears, myself, as just happened while I finished reading yours. It is so F&*^%%#@ tortuous that it can't be described... Not just for the Gregs, et al, but for those who love him, et al. The sympathy for you of every person who reads and writes on this board is total.
Roxanne, my beloved wife of twenty years, has long ago learned that the best way she can help me during an attack is to stay in another part of the house and send love and prayers to me and to be ready in case I call out for something -- like the pistol (which we got rid of early on, by the way). She does this in part because she has been unecessarily damaged by my frustrated thrashings in the past, and also because there is really nothing that she can do about it. In fact, I absolutely NEED to be as far away from others as possible during an attack.
However, she stays within earshot in case I do manage to call out for something I might really need or in case I suddenly begin sounding like things are getting too crazy. It is a different kind of torture for her, but torture nonetheless.
One of the god-awful mysteries of the malady is that it seems to be such an intensely PERSONAL thing -- these demonic attacks. It's as if some "fully aware being" in some psychic or astral or hellish realm has taken on a genuine, personal and specific hatred for you and will simply not give up until you have suffered to the very maximum that a human can take, over and over and over...
Some Clusterheads have actually given up on prayer because, frankly, we begin to suspect that God is in on it, somehow. That's the way it feels, does it not? So, maybe there is something else to these things than we want to think about.
It's easy for us to say, "Just hang in there..." when in fact that's all there is to do.
But, and let me tell you this in all sincerity...get help!
Whatever it takes, GET HELP!! At least, do something to lessen the severity of the pain. Follow all of the advice you can from those on this message board. Toss his butt in the hot/cold shower, if nothing else. But DO SOMEthing!
A person can only take so much, and it gets dangerous to believe that you can handle it indefinitly with guts and grit alone, especially when the sleep-deprivation factor is messing with the old cognitive factors.
Our prayers -- whether they "seem" useful or not -- are with you.