Posted by Elaine (24.88.1.67) on January 14, 2000 at 17:04:47:
In case you need further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual labels instructions on consumer goods…
On a hairdryer:
“Do not use while sleeping”
( Gee, that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of chips:
“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
(The shoplifter special.)
On a bar of soap
“Directions: Use like regular soap
(And that would be how….?)
On some TV dinners:
“Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
(But it’s just a suggestion.)
On dessert (printed on the bottom of the box):
“Do not turn upside down.”
(Too late!)
On packaging for a iron:
“Do not iron cloths on body.”
(But wouldn’t this save time?)
On children’s Cough Medicine:
“Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
( We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On sleep aids:
“Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
(One would hope.)
On Japanese food processor:
“Not to be used for the other use.”
(I gotta admitt, I’m curious.)
On peanuts
“Warning: contains nuts”
(Talk about a new flash.)
On a child’s superman costume:
“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a chainsaw
“Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
(Was there a case of this happening somewhere? My God!)