Posted by Greg on October 22, 1998 at 19:56:00:
In Reply to: I NNNNNEEEEEEEDDDDDD A Break posted by Jonathan Poulter on October 22, 1998 at 09:17:14:
J,
Sometimes it seems like nothing matters but the pain. And now, you have more. Not just the pain in your head...but now your heart.
The world can seem so very black, and cold. And sometimes it seems like there is no way...no how, that you can get out...see the light, and feel the warmth. And the only thing that you have is the faith in others, sometimes perfect strangers, sometimes the closest family, who can tell you I understand...and there is a better, warmer way. And there is.
Chronic clusters can be broken. You CAN kill the beast and feel freedom again. If you are feeling desperate...that you are ready to do anything...then get mad. Get pissed. And go out and kill the beast. Tell your doctor that you need to be free of the cluster, that you are ready to do anything. If it takes a week of hospitalization on IV medications...if it takes 10 days of histamine desensitization...if it takes surgery...well, all that is better than giving up. Anything but letting the beast win. We can't let it win. Never!
You mentioned going to a counselor...so there must be a part of you looking for a way out. If your doctor won't do it for you...come to Chicago and I will. I have been there...I don't imagine your pain...I've felt it. It's one of the reasons I have gone into medicine...and one reason I will NEVER let the beast win. And I truely hope you won't let it win either.
You have friends here. Write to me anytime. Don't let it win. Fight.
Greg