Posted by Susan (216.220.160.37) on December 12, 1999 at 10:10:53:
In Reply to: honest question but I already answered it posted by gary on December 11, 1999 at 23:57:23:
I'm sorry if i tried your patience.
After so many yrs of toughing it out I can't imagine not.
I do have my emergency meds on hand in case I fail.
I'd rather rely on my supporter.
He has been put down and even pushed down by me during HAs.
Knowing that I'm not alone helps me.
I get a feeling of accomplishment and self-esteem.
Knowing I can do what I put my mind to do.
It does take alot of discipline to channel anger into something positive.
I've learned to keep control of the reality of the pain.
Believe me I feel the excruciating pain,but there is a heightened awareness that comes with it.
I've been able to 'tap' into that.
Maybe it is the 10th we don't normally use.
I do get fatigued but the need to stay strong to fight is there.
When I weaken is when the demon is strong.
At this dangerous point(understand)is when I turn to my God.
He hasn't failed me yet.
Susan