Posted by Hal (206.15.142.98) on December 07, 1999 at 22:38:23:
In Reply to: state of mind posted by Godwin Deyl on December 07, 1999 at 19:49:42:
I can't stand to look at a computer screen when I'm having an attack. It's like looking into a super-bright light, and turning down the brightness doesn't help, because I have to turn the screen all the way to black. It's worse than staring at the sun when I'm not having a cluster, which means that I can't use CH.com when I need it the most. Oddly enough, though, a TV screen is no problem. I stay away from other people because there's nothing that they can do to help and I don't want them to try. Somehow, it just bothers the shit out of me that they would dare to think that they have enough of an idea of the hell that I'm going through that they can help. Also, if the pain gets up near a 10, I want to be able to freak out as much as I need to without having to worry about the effect that it'll have on other people. I remember one time wrestling with some jerk who was trying to pull my hands away from my eye. He wanted to see what was in the eye, so that he could help me get it out. Of course, there was nothing in my eye except pain. Beyond that, though, I'm so totally bound up in the hurting that nothing else can get through to me.