Posted by Ueli (194.230.196.103) on December 04, 1999 at 12:31:58:
Late one evening a doctor found that his cellar was flooded. He phones the plumber, but this one refuses to come at this late hour. The doctor is upset by this refusal and says that he too has to respond to an emergency call in the middle of the night. So a quarter of an hour later the plumber arrives and when they open the door to the cellar, the water is already four feet high. The plumber opens his tool bag, takes out two gasket rings and throws them into the water and says: "If it isn't better by tomorrow morning, call me again."
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An old lady comes to that famous dermatologist and asks: "Professor, is it true that warts will disappear if one buries a black cat on full moon night at the wall of a grave yard?"
The professor scratches his beard and mumbles: " Hmmm... well... why not... if the wart was on the cat."
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A patient runs in panic out of the operation theater. When asked why, he answered:
"The nurse said: Don't worry, it's only an appendectomy, it will work out fine".
"And, what's so bad about this?"
"She didn't say it to me, she said it to the surgeon..."
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"What are my chances doctor?"
"Well, you see, I'm doing this operation for the 28th time."
"Oh, in that case I'm appeased."
"Sure - I'll have to have success one time!"
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A 70 year old says to the orthopedist: "You know, I had more sex in exotic sport cars than anybody else."
The orthopedist: "And now you need treatment for the arthritis you got in these narrow, uncomfortable cars?"
"No, not at all, I want to borrow your Lamborghini."
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An artist ask his gallerist if anybody had been interested in his paintings.
"I have good and a bad news for you", the gallerist replies. "The good one is, yesterday a gentleman inquired about your paintings. He asked, if they will increase in value after your death. When I said yes, he bought all 15 pictures."
"Hey, that's fantastic!" the artist said full of joy, "...but what's the bad news?"
"This customer was your doctor..."
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After a one-night-stand the woman asks: "You are a dentist, I presume?"
"Yes I am, but why did you know?"
"A really good dentist, I'm sure?"
"Without being immodest, many of my patients say I am. But why...?"
"I really didn't feel anything...!!"
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An alcoholic goes to the doctor and says: "I always feel tiered, I've got headaches, my ass is inflamed, I cannot sleep. What's the matter with me?"
The doctor checks him out thoroughly and says: "I cannot find anything wrong, it must be the boozing."
"Now problem", says the patient, "I'll come back when you are sober."
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Angrily a flu patient shouts into the phone "THREE WEEKS ??? The doctor can see me only in three weeks? I could be dead by this time!!!"
A calm voice at the other end says: "If that happens, could your wife please call and cancel the appointment?"
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When a man came home from work, he found his wife in front of a mirror, admiring her breasts. Proudly she says: "The doctor told my today, that I have tits as a 25 year old."
The husband said sarcastically: "And what did he say about your 50 year old ass?"
"Oh, frankly, we didn't speak about you..."
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Q: What is worse, Alzheimer's or Parkinson's?
A: Alzheimer's of course, it's better to spill some of your beer than to forget where you put it.
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Have a nice and pain free weekend,
Ueli