Posted by doris (168.191.178.141) on September 20, 1999 at 10:28:29:
I have been reading the board for awhile now, during that time
I Have read several messages concerning thougts of suicde referred
in a couple ways:ie the 38 solution, off myself. I too have felt
this hopeless being a cluster sufferer since I was 15 years old,
by the way I am now 38. I have contemplated it more than once during my cylces, what a relief
it would be never to endure this hell again, how my family would be better off raising small
children with these horrible clusters, they scared my children and deistracted their mother from
her most important job, I really had myself sold on the idea --Then in 1992 my father took the 38 route,
he suffered from severe depression. Well, I will never again consider it as
a solution, regardless of the the pain, because I will never
subject my children, family and those who love me to the pain of
grief of losing someone you love to suicide. I believe that dad
would have continued his tortured way of life if he knew what pain
his death brought, at least thats what I tell myself. I don't
understand why I have to endure these tortuous headaches
but I will not let them defeat me, I will be stronger than
they are, I will not allow them to take away from the wonderful
life I have when they are not haunting me. Please remember those who love
you when at your end and draw strength from thier love. For what
it worth I 've written what I feel and am only trying
to offer the other side of suicide - one of the survivor left behind