Posted by Todd (139.62.224.5) on August 31, 1999 at 13:33:32:
In Reply to: Opening a can of worms, Once Ch always a CH??"??? posted by Claudette on August 31, 1999 at 10:37:10:
As we have (hopefully) learned through the recent debates and discussions on this board, we each hold our own beliefs and opinions, and none is 'more right' than another. Claudette's post stems from a conversation she and I had this morning, and, I feel, does not accurately present my feelings or comments. For starters, nothing I said to Claudette should in any way make her feel 'stupid'. I'm episodic---anywhere from 1 to 3 years between cycles over the past 16 years. Claudette made the statement to me that she used in her post-that it must be depressing to have a recurrence, that, in my position, she would believe the end of each cycle to be the last. I told her that I never allow myself to believe that, just because this cycle ends, I'm spontaneously 'cured'. If I (emphasis on the I) were to do that, then yes, I'd become very depressed at the start of the next cycle. Rather, I rejoice in the onset of each period of remission and strive to make the best of these blissful days, weeks, months or years. At the same time, I am ever vigilent for signs of the onset of the next cycle.
Does this mean I hold no hope? Not at all. As do we all, I hope that the demon may one day retire his self-appointed position inside my head. I hope that someday, somewhere someone will find an effective treatment. When I buy a lottery ticket, I hope to win. But I wouldn't quit my job till after I'd seen the winning numbers, because I don't truly expect to win. Nor do I truly expect to ever be free from clusters, much as I hope to be proven wrong in this.
We must each cope with the psychological, as well as the physical, debilitation clusters cause in the ways we each, individually, find most helpful. For me, that means not getting my hopes up so far during remission that my next relapse depresses me unduly. As I recall, someone recently posted about a relapse after something like 16 years of remission. Perhaps those who went into remission in their 60's were just fortunate enough to die before the next cycle started.
KTSSU,
T