Posted by Margi (24.64.69.110) on August 22, 1999 at 00:29:23:
In Reply to: Some thoughts about the brink of eternity posted by Erik on August 21, 1999 at 21:43:38:
Erik,
EXTREMELY well written as always. However, I do take exception for those in our group who do have religious beliefs.
First of all, let me say that I'm not sure which category I fall into....I hope when I grow up someday I finally find that answer.
Knowing some of these people as I do, I understand that that message to Elaine came from the heart. Yes, it could be seen as a threat but I know it wasn't meant to be taken that way.
By your post are you not foisting YOUR beliefs on that person?
I think our biggest problem here is perception. What one person thinks will maybe scare a person into never trying to commit suicide again, may be taken by another person as an uncalled for bible-thumping lecture. I PERCEIVED the person posting that message to Elaine to be offering their support and understanding. You PERCEIVED it to have a different meaning. See my point?
You are 100% correct when you said that none of us has the right to condemn Elaine for reaching her limit that night. We have not walked a mile in her shoes and we will never know what she feels inside.
We cannot accurately relate to Carl's frustration. We cannot pretend to understand what he is going through. We can only hope that he is getting what he needs by posting his messages and knowing that there are people out here who care about him.
Yes, this group has been formed so that people who feel cluster pain can talk to others who have felt that same pain. Yet, that's about how far it goes. We will never be able to - any of us - FEEL what another person is feeling or should we ever argue with them when they say they have "hit the wall". It is each and every person's right to say, "Ok, I've had enough."
It is selfish of us to want to make someone stay who doesn't want to stay. The night Elaine made that choice, I found myself mentally saying goodbye to my friend. I guess I realized I had to accept her choice. I knew how much I would miss her but I also knew what a strong person she is and if she had made this decision, I wasn't going to be able to change her mind - that's for DAMN sure. I cried because I wouldn't be able to talk to her, to finally meet the person I'd come to feel so close to. It dawned on me how selfish that was and I had to realize that Elaine must have "hit the wall" to make this choice. But it was HER choice to make, not mine.
It was a gift the next morning when my husband told me he had just spoken to her. It is a gift that she is happy that she wasn't successful that night.
OK, now that I'm totally off track, I will get down off my soap box and shut up.
I think the message I'm trying to deliver here is just one word. Respect.
WWW
Margi